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Writing Samples
Band 7

In some countries, secondary school aims to provide a general education across a range of subjects. In others, children focus on a narrow range of subjects related to a particular career. Which do you think is better?

Secondary
education
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 systems differ widely across countries, with some offering a broad curriculum covering multiple disciplines,
while
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 others emphasize early specialization in
subjects
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 linked to specific careers.
While
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 both approaches have merits, I strongly believe that
a
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general
education
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 is more beneficial for
students
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 at the secondary level. One key advantage of a broad-based curriculum is that it exposes
students
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 to a wide variety of
subjects
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, allowing them to discover their interests and strengths. At the age of 13 to 18, many
students
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 are still uncertain about their future career paths. By studying
subjects
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 like science, literature, arts, and history,
students
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 gain a more balanced worldview and have the opportunity to make informed decisions about their future.
For example
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, a student who
initially
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 thinks they are interested in engineering may later discover a passion for biology or literature after exposure to those
subjects
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 in school.
In contrast
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, systems that push
students
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 to specialize too early may limit their intellectual development and flexibility. If a student chooses a career-focused path prematurely, they may struggle later if they wish to switch fields or realize they made the wrong choice.
Moreover
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, narrowing
education
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 at a young age often neglects important life skills
such
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 as critical thinking, communication, and creativity, which are developed through diverse academic exposure.
Furthermore
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, in today’s rapidly changing world, many careers require interdisciplinary knowledge. Jobs in fields like artificial intelligence, environmental science, and media often demand skills that span science, ethics, communication, and technology. A general secondary
education
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 prepares
students
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 better for these evolving demands by nurturing adaptable and well-rounded individuals. In conclusion,
while
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 specialized
education
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 may seem efficient,
a
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general
education
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 at the secondary level provides greater long-term benefits. It helps
students
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 make more informed choices, promotes holistic development, and prepares them for the diverse and uncertain future of work.

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task achievement
Consider incorporating more specific examples and details to strengthen your arguments further. Although you provide good general points, additional real-world situations or statistics could enhance your essay's persuasiveness.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph clearly relates back to your main argument. While your points are mostly relevant, some could benefit from a more explicit connection to the advantages of a general education.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is well-structured, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The logical flow of ideas makes it easy for the reader to follow your argument closely.
task achievement
You articulate your points clearly, providing a solid rationale for why a general education may be more beneficial, which is supported by relevant examples.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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