Due to globalization, people all over the world are now able to buy the same products. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

These days, more and more
people
enjoy buying
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
products from all over the world because of globalization. There are two reasons to support
this
idea:
firstly
,
this
trend can help
people
find new hobbies and interests and
secondly
, it can create a beneficial impact on
economy
Add an article
the economy
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. First of all, via online shopping,
people
are able to find and buy
same
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the same
show examples
items
around the world, which may be useful
to gain
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for gaining
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a wide range of
persupective
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perspectives
perspective
.
For example
,
people
who are interested in Indian history can search and buy some
items
without going to India. Research recently conducted by the Ministry of Cultures in Japan discovered that about 80%
people
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of people
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experienced
to buy
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buying
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tradional
Correct your spelling
traditional
items
from foreign
countries
through
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the internet
show examples
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
and enjoyed these cultures.
As a result
, it is becoming easier to buy
items
related
regions
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to regions
show examples
and feel real cultures around the world.
Secondly
,
this
trend has a beneficial effect on economics.
This
can include creating opportunities to make more income.
As an
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An
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example of
this
is the market in developing
countries
. In the past, even if
people
who
live
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lived
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in developing
countries
create
Wrong verb form
created
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the
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apply
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beautiful bags, they could sell these
at
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for
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only 3 dollars in their
countries
. These days,
however
,
people
can create their own
web sites
Correct your spelling
websites
show examples
to sell their products which can be sold at 30 dollars.
According to an
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An
show examples
article by Nikkei newspaper discovered that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
shop owners in developing
countries
earned more
150
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than 150
show examples
% incomes through online shopping
last
year.
Consequently
,
this
globalization trend helps society to create new
market
Fix the agreement mistake
markets
show examples
and money. In conclusion, there are significant positive effects
due to
globalization. We must enhance
this
development for individuals and
social
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the social
show examples
economy.
Submitted by nao.bb0820 on

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task achievement
Try to provide a more balanced view by mentioning potential negative impacts of globalization as well.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow of your arguments. Some transitions between points can be smoother.
language use
Ensure the use of proper grammar and vocabulary consistently throughout the essay for better clarity.
introduction conclusion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion which summarize the key points effectively.
task achievement
You have used relevant and specific examples to support your main points, which strengthens your arguments.

Your opinion

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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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