Some people consider prices as most important thing to think about when buying product (such as cell phone) or service (eg. medical treatment). Do you agree or disagree.

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Due to
the advancement of technology,
people
are crazy to purchase
things
to use them in their lives. Before buying anything, citizens should consider
Correct word choice
whether
show examples
items are worth able or not. I completely agree with
this
statement and will shed light on it in the following paragraphs.
To begin
with, there are multifarious points in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
favour of
this
, but the most prominent is to get information about the
things
according to
their prices.
For example
, a person buys an expensive house in
big
Add an article
the big
a big
show examples
city.
However
, the same house can be bought outside the city by the same person. It shows, how
people
should invest their
money
to get something.
In addition
, a wise man spends
money
according to
his income.
For instance
, a poor guy buys a car on a loan, but his monthly income is lower than
car's
Correct article usage
the car's
show examples
monthly payment.
Therefore
,
people
are responsible for their own purchases.
Furthermore
, the formula of "think before
buy
Change the verb form
buying
show examples
anything" could lead to
save their
Wrong verb form
saving
show examples
money
. To clarify, gold's price is going up day by day. If a girl buys gold ,
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
it will give her profit in
few
Correct article usage
a few
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years after listing it up on sale.
Hence
, in order to get profit ,
people
should know about the value of
things
. Based on the above discussion, it is crystal clear that
people
can avoid their waste of
money
, only by thinking about the prices of the material.
Although
, there are a number of items which attract
people
,
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they should be mindful
to buy
Verb problem
of whether
show examples
those
things
are needed or not.
That is
why I strongly agree with the given thought.
Submitted by manjeetsandhu1999 on

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task achievement
Try to reduce grammatical errors and ensure that your sentences are clear and concise.
task achievement
Work on providing more specific and relevant examples to support your points. This will strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph flows logically to the next and avoid abrupt transitions.
coherence cohesion
Try to improve your vocabulary range and use more varied sentence structures to make your essay more engaging.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion that helps to frame your argument.
task achievement
The essay addresses the topic and offers a perspective that is clearly explained.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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