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Band 1.5

The plans below show a harbour in 2000 and how it looks today

#plans #show #harbour
The illustration defect
porth
Correct your spelling
port
 harbour in 2000 and today.
Overall
, by having a cursory glance at the maps. It can be clearly seen that the Castle has been replaced with a hotel.And many facilities have been changed and relocated in the plans.
To begin
 , there are small differences between both of the maps.
First,
there is one more shower and toilet have been built behind the car park which is located on the
south west
Correct your spelling
southwest
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 of the harbour.
Furthermore
, Marina private yachts
has
Change the verb form
have
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 been relocated with fishing
boat
Fix the agreement mistake
boats
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. There are Cafes and life
boat
Fix the agreement mistake
boats
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 have been constructed in the south of the harbour to serve the visitors of the hotel.
On the other hand
 , the hotel can be accessible by the road near the private beach, which was the place of public beach.
Moreover
, there has been one more dock to separate between each boat.
Submitted by khulood.92 on

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task achievement
Your essay would benefit from more detailed descriptions to clearly outline what's changed in the harbour over the years. Adding specific examples and details would strengthen your response.
coherence cohesion
Improving the logical flow of your essay will make it easier for the examiner to follow your ideas. Consider grouping related changes and using cohesive devices to link your sentences and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Ensure to write a clear introduction and conclusion, which might include summarizing the main points described in the essay.
coherence cohesion
Work on varying your sentence structures and using a wider range of vocabulary to improve readability and engagement.
task achievement
You have identified some of the key changes in the harbour clearly.
coherence cohesion
The essay is structured into paragraphs, which is good practice.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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