The map below is of the town of Garlsdon. A new supermarket (S) is planned for the town. The map shows two possible sites for the supermarket.
This
is the map of a town
by the name of Garlsdon.This
map shows the two possible places where a supermarket can be created.
The first place
is in the countryside area which is a little far away from houses and the town
centre.However
, the second
place
is in the town
centre surrounded by industrial areas also
there is a railway nearby.
The first place
is 12 km far away from Hindon where the population is 10,000 also
it is very away from the houses of people.In addition
, there is a main road and a railway track that covers this
site.
On the other hand
, the second
site is surrounded by an industrial area.It is near the area where there are many homes. It is very close to Bransdon which is only 16 km and 15000 people live there.whereas
Cransdon town
is 25 km away with a population of 29000.The second
site where this
store is being planned is located in no traffic zone because it is a city centre.People can easily approach this
second
place
because it is closer to society.Submitted by Saad Kamal on
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words town, place, second with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 2 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "map" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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