IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people think technology development decreases crime, while others believe it actually encourages crime. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

#people #technology #development #decreases #crime
no one can deny that some people believe that
tecnology
Correct your spelling
technology
development
decline
Correct your spelling
decreases
show examples
 crime rates,
while
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 prefer to think that
Correct your spelling
technology
tecnology
development
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
show examples
 crime, it is important to admit that both
of
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apply
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views
has
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have
show examples
 their own positive sides and negative sides. in
this
essay
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essay,
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i
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I
show examples
 will discuss the possible reason that support each view and what benefits and drawbacks they
brings
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bring
show examples
 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society. on the one
hand
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hand,
show examples
 the option to think that
tecnology
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technology
development
are
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is
show examples
 considered to help to decline
crimes
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crime
show examples
 rates.
Most
Add an article
A most
The most
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 important reason is
in
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that
show examples
 nowadays we have cameras and security
sistem
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systems
 in public places.
For instance
, if we have
cctv
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CCTV
 we can find the criminals easily or if an offence happens
at
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in
show examples
parks area
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park areas
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, buildings or streets,
specialist
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specialists
show examples
 may find
sign
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signs
show examples
 of the offence through
innovation
Replace the word
innovative
show examples
tecnology
Correct your spelling
technology
 and the police could reach them
due to
 the lack of evidence. Another key reason is
tecnology
Replace the word
that technological
show examples
development
 has advantages
such
 as the police
immediate
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immediately
show examples
find
Wrong verb form
finding
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
criminals
by
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with
show examples
 their devices through advanced
innovation
.
on the other hand
,
depite
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despite
 above the argument, other people choose to think that
tecnology
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technology
development
 has
also
 its
disadventages
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disadvantages
for obvious reasons
such
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
as
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apply
show examples
huge banks,
govermental
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governmental
 organizations and big business companies have been facing cyber attacks since cybercriminals can find ways to enter into their private devices.
For
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
 to illustrate
that is
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apply
show examples
the
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apply
show examples
cybercriminals might hurt others by stealing their online amount by blocking bank
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accounts
show examples
account
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accounts
show examples
 or E-money and so on,
that is
 one of the negative
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sides
show examples
side
Fix the agreement mistake
sides
show examples
Change preposition
of
show examples
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
Correct your spelling
technology
tecnology
Correct your spelling
technology
development
, but in my opinion the benefits
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of
show examples
from
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of
show examples
Correct your spelling
technology
tecnology
Correct your spelling
technology
innovation
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apply
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its
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apply
show examples
Correct your spelling
outweigh
outweight
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outweigh
 its drawbacks on the whole. In conclusion, it seems to me that
tecnology
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technology
development
descrease
Correct your spelling
decreases
 criminal rates for many various reasons.
Innovation
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 more positive effects than negative ones.
Submitted by arniaqlina44 on

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task achievement
You have addressed both views and provided examples, but try to develop your ideas more thoroughly to make your arguments stronger. Expanding on how technology specifically helps or hinders efforts in crime prevention will make your essay more compelling.
coherence cohesion
While you have a generally logical structure, improving the flow between paragraphs and sentences will enhance the readability of your essay. Use transition words to connect your ideas better.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph stays focused on a single idea and is well-developed. This will help you build a stronger argument and make your essay more cohesive.
general
Pay attention to spelling and grammar errors, as well as sentence structure. Improving these aspects will make your essay clearer and easier to understand.
task achievement
You have successfully addressed both views on the topic.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
You have provided relevant examples to support your points, which is good for illustrating your arguments.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • deterrent
  • surveillance
  • forensic science
  • cybercrime
  • data theft
  • anonymity
  • illicit activities
  • law enforcement
  • jurisdictions
  • crime prevention
What to do next:
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