Older people often choose to spend money on themselves (e.g. on holidays) rather than save money for their children after retirement.Is this a positive or negative development?

#people #money #e #g #holidays #children #retirement #development

Seniors frequently opt for indulging their funds on their enjoyment,

for instance

on vacations,

than

Replace the word

then

show examples

putting aside savings for their heirs after they stop working.I consider that

this

occurrence has aided many young adults in valuing hard work,

however

Add a comma

however,

show examples

it could

potentionally

Correct your spelling

potentially

bring hardships to the youngsters as they would be financially unstable.

Firstly

,when elders prioritize their own needs,it can encourage their children to become more financially independent , they will learn how to appreciate their parents,

along with

their sacrifices.

Also

,many individuals believe so, because

this

circumstance could push younger generations to be more tenacious and

resorcefull

Correct your spelling

resourceful

for instance

,without relying on an inheritance they may learn to save ,

buget

Correct your spelling

budget

and manage their own finances.

On the other hand

, some individuals may view it completely

different

Change the adjective

differently

show examples

.Without being financially sustained ,

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

young adults may face financial challenges which could

become

Verb problem

make it

show examples

tricky for them to buy homes or even

Fix the infinitive

apply

show examples

save for their own future.These problems could strain relationships between parents and their children,leading to family conflicts,because their guardians refuse to help them when they go through a daunting time.For

exemple

Correct your spelling

example

, youngsters without financial support might find themselves unable to afford higher education, limiting their career opportunities and future earning potential,

creating

Correct word choice

and creating

show examples

additional tension within families.

To sum up

this

situation has complex

issue

Fix the agreement mistake

issues

show examples

with both advantages and disadvantages.

While

it can encourage financial independence and resilience in younger generations, it

also

can create financial challenges and family tensions.I believe that

while

children should be supported financially, it is important to establish clear boundaries .

This

approach can foster a sense of responsibility in the youth

while

providing necessary assistance.

Submitted by acaitaz on Thu Aug 22 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement

Try to introduce a clear thesis statement in the introduction to make your position more explicit. This will help guide the reader through your argument more effectively.

coherence cohesion

Work on improving the logical flow of your ideas. Using transitional words and phrases will help the essay to read more smoothly.

task achievement

Support your main points with more specific examples and evidence. This will make your argument more robust and convincing.

coherence cohesion

Address some minor grammar and vocabulary inaccuracies to improve overall clarity. For example, "buget" should be "budget," and "resorcefull" should be "resourceful."

task achievement

The essay provides a balanced view, considering both positive and negative aspects of the topic.

coherence cohesion

A clear conclusion is presented that sums up the key points discussed in the essay.

coherence cohesion

The introduction and conclusion are both present, which provides a good structure to the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

267 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

7.5
band
Many animals are endangered in the environment. Some people argue that we should only protect those endangered animals that are useful to human. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
When it comes to endangered animal protection, some people claim that only endangered species which can provide various benefits are supposed to be protected. I oppose this view and believe that all endangered creatures should be protected.
5
band
New technologies have changed the way children spend their free time. Do you think the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?
It is a known fact that technological innovations have revolutionised the way younger generation utilise their spare time. While there are a few benefits, the drawbacks exceed them and will be discussed further.
5.5
band
Many people in poor countries die from diseases that are curable because they cannot afford the medication required. Do you believe that drug companies should make their products available at reduced prices in these countries?
With the advancement in medical technology, the average life expectancy is increasing worldwide. However, people in some areas still have premature death because of the unaffordable price of healthcare. There is also a debate on whether the pharmaceutical companies should lower the drugs' prices in the undeveloped countries. In my opinion, I believe that the companies should reduce the cost of their products in some countries. This essay will cover arguments that support my view.
6
band
Taking professional and personal risks is quite necessary for many individuals. I firmly believe that the profits of being risky such as success and an interesting life outweigh any drawbacks.
On the one side, it is clear that taking risks is dangerous. Firstly, the main disadvantage is a danger of dispersing a person's efforts. People can find themselves to be not satisfied with their job and they change it in order to find something better instead of increasing their professionality. Thus, when they change it at last they are still unhappy. In other words, instead of making risky changes, it is much better to be happy by developing themselves in a constant manner. The second drawback is the possibility of losing their money, especially for individuals who prefer to risks often. For instance, gambling the Forex in order to earn additional money mostly leads to losses. That is why risks can be observed as inappropriate behaviour.
4.5
band
Some children spend hour every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?
In this modern world, smartphones play a significant role in our life. Numerous of children use their mobile phones way to much. In this essay, i will explain several factors that contribute to this phenomenon and examine the reasons behind this negative development.

Older people often choose to spend money on themselves (e.g. on holidays) rather than save money for their children after retirement.Is this a positive or negative development?

Fully explain your ideas

Many animals are endangered in the environment. Some people argue that we should only protect those endangered animals that are useful to human. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

New technologies have changed the way children spend their free time. Do you think the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

Many people in poor countries die from diseases that are curable because they cannot afford the medication required. Do you believe that drug companies should make their products available at reduced prices in these countries?

Taking professional and personal risks is quite necessary for many individuals. I firmly believe that the profits of being risky such as success and an interesting life outweigh any drawbacks.

Some children spend hour every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?