IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

More and more people are moving from rural areas to live in cities. What problems can this cause? How can these problems be solved?

There is a tendency to live in cities, especially among young
people
Use synonyms
.
Often
Punctuation problem
Often,
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 they leave the countryside and move to more developed regions. And I can understand them, but it can cause some issues that were not expected . So in
this
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essay
Add a comma
essay,
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 I want to think about and show some of them. First and foremost, the agricultural sector is suffering. Day after day
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this
Punctuation problem
, this
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 field becomes less popular among
students
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, so there is a big shortage of labour.
Students
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 nowadays are interested in intellectual work
,
Punctuation problem
;
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 there are a lot of new types of work, which are more attractive for
a
Correct article usage
the
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 working class.
For instance
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,
this
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 problem is clearly visible in my country, because it is an agricultural country, where attention was focused on farming, and now it will be really hard to reorganise the whole economy. I think everything can be changed if
people
Use synonyms
 want it, so I want to share and explain some ideas
of
Change preposition
on
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 how
this
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 problem can be resolved. First of all , the government should make ads and distribute the idea of farming life , speak about
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
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, benefits. If the government made these little steps,
students
Use synonyms
 would at least consider
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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instead
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 of following popular opinions.
Also
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, young
people
Use synonyms
 should be given some
encouragements
Fix the agreement mistake
encouragement
show examples
 or other forms of support. I am sure that there will appear many
students
Use synonyms
which
Fix the agreement mistake
who
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 will be interested in cheap education with
clear
Correct article usage
a clear
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 and stable future, because
people
Use synonyms
 will always need food and other supplies as leather
stuff
Check wording
apply
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, cotton and wool.
To sum up
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, our modern world really has problems
such
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 as
shortage
Correct article usage
a shortage
show examples
 of workers in the agricultural sector
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and
desertion
Correct article usage
the desertion
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 of villages. But
also
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 we can influence it in
defferent
Correct your spelling
different
 ways.

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structure
Use a clear plan: intro, 2-3 body points, and a short conclusion.
content
State the problem in one line at the start, then give clear steps to solve it.
content
Give one clear example for each idea or use a simple fact.
coherence
Link ideas with small words like first, also, but, finally to show order.
grammar
Keep sentences short and check grammar; fix odd phrases.
conclusion
Summ up with a final idea in the end.
content
The essay shows the idea that city move can bring trouble to farming.
structure
The plan to use ads and help to pull more people to farming is clear.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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