Some health problems are directly linked to people’s life choices. Why do people make these choices? What can be done to encourage them to make healthier choices instead?

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Nowadays,

people

Use synonyms

are often seen neglecting their daily habits and opting for

convenience

Replace the word

convenient

show examples

yet unhealthy choices.

This

Linking Words

essay highlights the cause behind

this

Linking Words

approach and

provide

Change the verb form

provides

show examples

the healthier ways that might help

people

Use synonyms

to combat

with

Change preposition

apply

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the overarching problem. There are numerous reasons associated with

this

Linking Words

trend.

Firstly

Linking Words

, an increased sedentary lifestyle at

work

Use synonyms

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

not only promotes issues in the lower back but

Linking Words

also

Add a missing verb

is also

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a cause

behind

Change preposition

show examples

obesity. Many

people

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are obese these days because they

wanted

Wrong verb form

want

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to be in

Use synonyms

work

Add an article

a work

the work

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setting that promotes to be

sitted

Correct your spelling

sitting

for prolonged

hours

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. In

this

Linking Words

way,

people

Use synonyms

will become more obese with no physical activity at all.

Therefore

Linking Words

such

Linking Words

choices end up giving

people

Use synonyms

serious and

life threatening

Add a hyphen

life-threatening

show examples

illnesses.

For example

Linking Words

, in India, a major part of youngsters

works

Correct subject-verb agreement

work

show examples

in offices and are obese because of no

phyical

Correct your spelling

physical

activity at all.

Secondly

Linking Words

people

Use synonyms

prefer binging on readily available

food

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when they get off after

work

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this

Linking Words

is because they become so

exhaused

Correct your spelling

exhausted

after constraining themselves on a single chair for more than 8

hours

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Thus

Linking Words

ends

Correct subject-verb agreement

end

show examples

up ordering

food

Use synonyms

daily from any restaurants or

food

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chains.

Moreover

Linking Words

, these

Use synonyms

food

Fix the agreement mistake

foods

show examples

contains

Correct subject-verb agreement

contain

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high -saturated

Correct your spelling

high-saturated

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fats and daily consumption of

such

Linking Words

foods will cause rise

Change preposition

in chloesterol

show examples

chloesterol

Correct your spelling

cholesterol

levels and sometimes premature deaths.

However

Linking Words

people

Use synonyms

can alter their daily life choices in order to get good health by

prefering

Correct your spelling

preferring

homemade tiffin foods and introducing some physical activities particularly they are interested in.

People

Use synonyms

can join any recreational centres after

work

Use synonyms

hours

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nearby them so that they

could

Wrong verb form

can

show examples

have some spare time alone playing their

favorite

Change the spelling

favourite

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sport.

Moreover

Linking Words

, planning a

proteineous

Correct your spelling

proteinous

proteinaceous

meal a day before not only

help

Correct subject-verb agreement

helps

show examples

them to avoid junk but

also

Linking Words

make

Correct subject-verb agreement

makes

show examples

them remain full for longer

hours

Use synonyms

To conclude

Linking Words

, I firmly believe that

Change preposition

apply

show examples

applying some small change in their daily lives

foster

Correct subject-verb agreement

fosters

show examples

them to stay healthy and they could live

diseases free

Correct your spelling

disease-free

show examples

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

sanakalsi3736Fri Aug 23 2024

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task achievement

Ensure that every main idea is thoroughly explained and supported with specific examples. For instance, when discussing sedentary lifestyle and its impact, providing concrete statistics or more detailed explanations could enhance your argument.

coherence cohesion

Pay attention to language accuracy. There are several minor grammatical and lexical errors (e.g., 'prefering' should be 'preferring', 'chloesterol' should be 'cholesterol'). While they do not significantly impede understanding, correcting these can improve the overall impression of your essay.

coherence cohesion

Try to use more varied vocabulary and complex sentence structures to demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency. This will make your essay more engaging and show a better command of English.

task achievement

Your introduction and conclusion effectively frame the essay, giving a clear outline of the topic and summarizing the main points.

task achievement

The essay addresses the topic directly and provides reasonable arguments for why people make unhealthy choices and how they could be encouraged to make healthier ones.

coherence cohesion

The use of cohesive devices, such as 'Firstly', 'Therefore', and 'However', helps in guiding the reader through the arguments and ideas logically.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

Introduction
Body paragraph 1 – Problems
Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

One of the first problems of the...
Another problem that needs to be considered...
A possible solution to this problem would be...
One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
30
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

311 words

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Some health problems are directly linked to people’s life choices. Why do people make these choices? What can be done to encourage them to make healthier choices instead?

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Millions of dollars are spent on space research every year. Somw people argue that the money should be spent on improving living standards on earth. Do you agree or disagree?

Some people claim that not enough of the waste from homes is recycled. They say that the only way to increase recycling is for governments to make it a legal requirement. To what extent do you think laws are needed to make people recycle more of their waste?

Some say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both views and give your opinion.