IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart and table below give information about healtheare resources and life expectancy in different countries.

The chart and table below give information about healtheare resources and life expectancy in different countries.
#information #healtheare #resources #life #expectancy #countries
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The graphs illustrate the data about healthcare resources and
life
Use synonyms
expectancy
Use synonyms
 in various overseas: Australia, Canada, Germany,
Japan
Use synonyms
, Netherlands, Spain,
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
 Kingdom, and
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
 States.
Overall
Linking Words
,
Japan
Use synonyms
 has the highest number of hospital
beds
Use synonyms
, but
spending
Wrong verb form
spends
show examples
least
Correct article usage
the least
show examples
 money on healthcare. As
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 result,
Japan
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 has the longest average
life
Use synonyms
expectancy
Use synonyms
. On the other
hands
Fix the agreement mistake
hand
show examples
, the new
would
Correct your spelling
world
show examples
 country is the lowest point in
bar
Add an article
a bar
the bar
show examples
 graph, and spending money on health the most. In
bar
Add an article
a bar
the bar
show examples
 chart,
illustration
Correct article usage
an illustration
show examples
 of the number of hospital
beds
Use synonyms
 per thousand of
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
,
Japan
Use synonyms
 is at the peak of the chart (14
beds
Use synonyms
).
While
Linking Words
, Canada, Spain,
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
,
US
Correct article usage
the US
show examples
, and Australia are at
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 similar point (approximately 3 to 4
beds
Use synonyms
).
Moreover
Linking Words
, Germany is in the second rank,
comparing
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 to others, at 8
beds
Use synonyms
. In the table, showing the amount of government health spending and average
life
Use synonyms
expectancy
Use synonyms
,
Use synonyms
Japan
Change noun form
Japan's
show examples
 government spend the least money on population
heal
Correct your spelling
health
show examples
 per person (2,581 dollars) and has the longest average
life
Use synonyms
 (83 years old).
While
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
US
Correct article usage
the US
show examples
 spending the most at 6,719 dollars) and has the shortest average
life
Use synonyms
 (78 years old).
In addition
Linking Words
, Netherlands spending is in the second rank at 3,481 dollars) and the average
life
Use synonyms
expectancy
Use synonyms
 is 80 years old,
comparing
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 to
others country
Fix the agreement mistake
other countries
show examples
.
Submitted by dondollaraus on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words life, expectancy, japan, beds with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "graphs" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: