Many parents complain that computer games have no value to their chuldren’s Study. On the contrary , those online games have produced a lot of negative effect on their mental and physical development. What is your opinion

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Several parents argue that online
games
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

have
negative
Add an article
a negative

The noun phrase negative impact seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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impact
in
Change preposition
on

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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their children's development.
Beside
Replace the word
Besides

The word Beside may be used incorrectly. Review the following notes to determine the appropriate usage for your context.

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that, people
therefore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

believe that computer-based
games
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

have numerous bad sides both mental and physical health. Personally, I agree with
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

opinion
due to
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

many
Correct article usage
the many

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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drawbacks produced
from
Change preposition
by

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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playing those
games
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

. Users of online
games
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

particularly children tend to lose
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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control of
time
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

. They spend a lot of period of
time
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

only
for
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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completing every stage displayed on
game's
Correct article usage
the game's

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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dashboard. My youngest sister
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

for
Add the comma(s)
, for

It appears that you are missing a comma or two with the interrupter for example. Consider adding the comma(s).

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example,
she
Correct pronoun usage
apply

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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could sit in front of
computer
Add an article
a computer
the computer

The noun phrase computer seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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for roughly five to six hours
for
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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every single day because of
addicted
Add a missing verb
being addicted

It seems that you are missing a verb. Consider adding it.

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video
Fix the infinitive
to video

It seems that the use of particle to may be incorrect here.

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games
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.
This
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

behaviour made her
facing
Wrong verb form
face

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb facing. Consider changing it.

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difficulity
Correct your spelling
difficulty

If you don’t want difficulity to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

to
devide
Correct your spelling
divide
decide

If you don’t want devide to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

her
time
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

for learning and playing. The result of
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

condition was lowering her grades in school
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

distrubing
Correct your spelling
disturbing

If you don’t want distrubing to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

her relationship with
other
Change the word
her

The word other may be incorrect in this context. Consider changing it.

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peers.
In addition
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, people might have mental illness
due to
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

unstatisfaction
Correct your spelling
dissatisfaction

If you don’t want unstatisfaction to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

feeling when fail to pass the next step
on
Change preposition
in

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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the game. Another situation which can be faced
of
Change preposition
by

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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players is dropping their health. They dedicate long
period
Fix the agreement mistake
periods

It seems that period may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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to
stay
Wrong verb form
staying

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb stay. Consider changing it.

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and
sit
Wrong verb form
sitting

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb sit. Consider changing it.

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on the chair. It causes them
fail
Add the particle
to fail

It appears that the verb fail should be in the to-infinitive form. Consider adding the word to.

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to manage
time
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

to do sport even only for walking or doing simple
excercise
Correct your spelling
exercise
exercises

If you don’t want excercise to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

. In conclusion, I agree with
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

statement because several
disadventages
Correct your spelling
disadvantages

If you don’t want disadventages to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

can be seen
easy
Change the word
easily

Easy seems to be the wrong part of speech for this context.

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from
Change preposition
by

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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the users of online
games
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

. It
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

has
impactfull
Correct your spelling
impactful

If you don’t want impactfull to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

downside in the developing of children's study.

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task achievement
Your essay presents a clear position regarding the negative impacts of online games on children. However, ensure that every idea is fully developed with additional explanations or examples for better clarity.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical connection between sentences and paragraphs to make your essay flow more smoothly. Use more cohesive devices (e.g., moreover, furthermore) to link ideas.
language use
Correct grammatical errors such as subject-verb agreement ('mental illness due to unstatisfaction feeling' should be 'mental illness due to the feeling of dissatisfaction') and misuse of articles (e.g., 'have numerous bad sides both mental and physical health' should be 'have numerous bad sides for both mental and physical health'). These minor corrections can significantly improve readability.
introduction
The essay provides a clear statement of opinion right at the beginning, which lays a strong foundation for the following arguments.
relevant examples
Specific personal examples, such as the mention of your sister, offer strong support for your points and add authenticity to your arguments.
content coverage
An attempt to discuss different aspects of mental and physical impacts shows a thoughtful approach to the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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