Some people think that individuals should be responsible for protecting the environment, while others believe that it is the responsibility of the government. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some individuals believe that all
people
have to care for their surroundings,
whereas
others think that the government must
be take
Change the verb form
take
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responsibility for protecting the natural world. I agree that each person has a main duty to preserve their surroundings and should not solely rely on the government, as they need to live in a clean
environment
and conserve natural
resources
.
People
should protect their
environment
and maintain a clean, neat space because it significantly improves their health. When
people
spend their time in a neat
environment
, their
bodyparts
Correct your spelling
body parts
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such
as the lungs and liver function better.
Consequently
,
people
with healthy lungs and livers tend to live much longer compared to those who have lived in dirty, unclean environments.
For instance
, if we consider a study that
has been
Wrong verb form
was
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conducted in
july
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July
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in
Change preposition
apply
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this
year, most of the
people
who lived longer than 60 years old used to live in a
neighborhood
Change the spelling
neighbourhood
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with fresh air. But for
people
who
lived
Wrong verb form
live
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in an unclean neighborhood, they mostly
have aged
Verb problem
apply
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below 60 years old. Since natural
resources
like water, trees, and energy are vital for our future, it is important for individuals to take responsibility for their conservation. Conserving these
resources
supports our own well-being by providing essential materials
such
as clean water for drinking and agriculture.
As a result
, individuals who conserve
take
Correct word choice
and take
show examples
care of these
resources
benefit from a good quality of life.
For example
, a recent study showed that communities with effective resource conservation experience higher
overall
well-being compared to communities with poor environmental management.
To conclude
,
it is clear that
individuals’ responsibility to protect their
environment
and conserve natural
resources
themselves since it directly impacts their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. By doing so, they not only improve their own health but
also
contribute to a better quality of life.
Submitted by nbogey777 on

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coherence cohesion
Try to strengthen the logical transitions between paragraphs to make your argument flow more seamlessly.
task achievement
Include more varied sentence structures to enhance readability and retain the reader's interest.
task achievement
Your essay clearly presents both perspectives on the topic and provides a well-rounded argument for individual responsibility in environmental protection.
coherence cohesion
The examples provided, such as the study on the longevity of people living in clean environments, effectively support your points.
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