In this technological era, personal information is stored on computers by many companies and organisations. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?
In
this
contemporary era, companies
and organisations use computers to store personal information
. Following
this
procedure has its own benefits and cons. This
essay intends to discuss their pros and cons. I believe disadvantages
Correct article usage
the disadvantages
outruns
the advantages present in Correct subject-verb agreement
outrun
this
storing process.
Firstly
, the main advantage of storing personal information
helps the organization and companies
to build up a product which is
would be helpful for Verb problem
that
the
people because personal Correct article usage
apply
information
includes details like health history, interests, family background etcetera. Utilizing this
information
to generate new business statements to giving
it to Wrong verb form
give
the
society helps in the building Correct article usage
apply
nation
economy.
Change noun form
nation's
In contrast
, allowing companies
to store personal information
causes issues and leads to vulnerability
of the individuals. And Correct article usage
the vulnerability
data
security for that enormous data
is critical. Any one
with admin access Correct your spelling
Anyone
are
allowed to get Change the verb form
is
those
Correct determiner usage
that
data
. For instance
, such
data
can be theft by hackers for a
monetary gain, Correct article usage
apply
companies
can handover
to inappropriate hands for Correct your spelling
hand over
a
money. Remove the article
apply
This
data
can be utilized to blackmail targeted individual
, Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
threat
their Replace the word
threaten
life
, or use this
information
to infiltered
Verb problem
infiltrate
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
life
which might lead Fix the agreement mistake
lives
unexpected
Change preposition
to unexpected
ending
to their Fix the agreement mistake
endings
life
.
I believe,
the consequences of storing personal Remove the comma
apply
information
in the company can dangerous
and disadvantageous. Add a missing verb
be dangerous
For instance
, movie ticket counters in the mall collect customers
phone Change noun form
customers'
customer's
number
as part of the process Fix the agreement mistake
numbers
in
booking a ticket for the cinema. Change preposition
of
Following
this
the collected team can sell Add a comma
this,
this
data
to the calling centres where they use it for marketing purpose
like insurance, bank loans, and credit card offers. Since the phone number is linked with Change the noun form
purposes
bank
, they can easily fetch the details of the particular Add an article
the bank
a bank
individuals
credit report and call them continuously about the offers.
Change to a genitive case
individual's
individuals'
To conclude
, although
giving personal details to the company might help people in some or the other way, but
the Remove the conjunction
apply
data
vulnerability can bring person’s
Correct article usage
a person’s
life
to danger. Hence
I believe, disadvantages
Correct article usage
the disadvantages
outweighs
Change the verb form
outweigh
advantages
.Correct article usage
the advantages
Submitted by nlchiranth11 on
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Introduction
Try to make your introduction more specific by briefly summarizing the main points you will discuss in the essay. This helps to provide a clear overview for the reader and sets up the structure of your essay effectively.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and uses transitions to connect to the next paragraph smoothly. This creates a logical flow and makes your essay easier to read.
Task Achievement
Add more relevant and specific examples to support your points. This will help to illustrate your arguments and make them more convincing.
Task Achievement
The essay includes a clear thesis statement that states your opinion on the issue. This is essential for a strong task response.
Task Achievement
You have made an attempt to provide both advantages and disadvantages, which shows a balanced approach to the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
Each paragraph addresses a separate point, which contributes to the overall structure of the essay.