IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some people prefer traditional treatment to modern
medical
Replace the word
medicine
show examples
, so they may not tend to consult a doctor when they
fell
Wrong verb form
fall
show examples
 ill. I think that
this
Linking Words
 trend, which may not be new because throughout several historical
period
Fix the agreement mistake
periods
show examples
 societies
had been
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 relied on
this
Linking Words
 kind of
treatments
Fix the agreement mistake
treatment
show examples
, can pose significant damage to our
health
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
 of
be
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
 a solution for
health
Use synonyms
 problems. On the one hand, the figure of
individuals
Use synonyms
Correct pronoun usage
who tends
show examples
tends
Correct subject-verb agreement
tend
show examples
 to alternative
medicine
Use synonyms
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 increased dramatically over the
last
Linking Words
 decade. A lot of those
individuals
Use synonyms
 might not trust modern
medical
Replace the word
medicine
show examples
 or find it exorbitant and affordable.
Moreover
Linking Words
, Depending on traditional
medicine
Use synonyms
 is not a new trend, it was the sole source
remedies
Change preposition
of remedies
show examples
 for various diseases before the
arise
Correct your spelling
rise
show examples
 of modern
medicine
Use synonyms
, which is based on research conducted at specialist centres.
However
Linking Words
, traditional treatment may cause damage rather than be useful. Because its ingredients do not pass through scientific observation.to illustrate, even modern medical drugs , which are produced by a very sensitive process, sometimes cause considerable symptoms and should be taken under detailed instructions and directions. The responsible authorities can mitigate
this
Linking Words
 risk by restricting regulations organize
this
Linking Words
 field, making it more reliable.
Additionally
Linking Words
, some complex diseases,
such
Linking Words
 as heart attacks or cancer, need a complex healing process and it is impossible to be treated
by
Change preposition
in
show examples
 traditional ways,
thus
Linking Words
, those providing traditional treatment should adhere to not deal with
individuals
Use synonyms
 with
such
Linking Words
 diseases. In conclusion, As using alternative
medicine
Use synonyms
 is not a new trend
itself
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
, it is not reliable to allow
individuals
Use synonyms
 to depend on it to treat their
health
Use synonyms
 problems. Personally, I believe that
this
Linking Words
 field offers us a remarkable opportunity to enhance public
health
Use synonyms
 if detailed research is conducted.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Response
Ensure there is clarity in your thesis statement to clearly indicate whether you are arguing for or against the topic. Also, be sure to develop your reasons with concrete examples or evidence to improve the strength of your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on linking words and phrases for smoother transitions between ideas. This can enhance the overall flow and make your essay more readable.
Task Response
All points need more development through specific examples and detailed explanation to fully demonstrate your understanding of the topic.
General
Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and variety. It is important to maintain consistent verb tenses and correct subject-verb agreement to enhance readability.
Introduction
Your essay has a clear introduction outlining the main issue and your viewpoint, which helps set the direction of the essay.
Conclusion
You concluded your essay with a summary of your argument and a personal stance, which adds closure to your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your points are logically structured and presented in a coherent manner, making it easier for the reader to follow your argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • alternative medicines
  • treatments
  • positive development
  • negative development
  • health problems
  • usual doctor
  • access
  • personalized approach
  • holistic well-being
  • lack of regulation
  • evidence-based research
  • proper medical treatment
What to do next:
Look at other essays: