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Band 4.5

Although families have influence on a children’s development, factors outside the home play a bigger part in their lives nowadays. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#families #influence #children’s #development #factors #home #part #lives
It is often argued that even though families have a significant impact on the
development
 of young people, there are bigger influences apart from their home environment.
This
 essay agrees with
this
 view and it is my firm belief that a children's
development
 is more affected by the school environment and peer interactions.
To begin
 with, the experience that students have in school is more
influencial
Correct your spelling
influential
 in terms of their
overall
development
.
This
 is simply because they tend to spend the majority of
time
Correct pronoun usage
their time
show examples
 during
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 day in educational institutions. Guided by a
profesionally
Correct your spelling
professionally
 trained teacher, schools provide a room for self-expression and self-discovery, which not every student has access to at home.
For example
, subjects,
such
 as music or art, allow the learner to be creative, which is essential for people's cognitive
development
.
Furthermore
, peer groups and social relationships can be hugely impactful.
This
 is to say, social interactions,
such
 as communication or the
immitation
Correct your spelling
imitation
 of specific observed
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
, are mainly responsible for teaching children and teenagers empathy and kindness.
As a result
, they gain knowledge about how to be a functioning member of society.
For instance
, if they
whitness
Correct your spelling
witness
 a friend doing the right thing and
consequently
being
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 rewarded for it, they will
adapt
Correct your spelling
adopt
show examples
this
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 and apply it in the future. In conclusion,
this
 essay has shown that factors outside of children's
homes'
Change noun form
homes
show examples
,
such
 as
the a
Choose an article
the
a
show examples
 nurturing learning atmosphere in school or friendships are more
influencial
Correct your spelling
influential
 when it comes to their
development
.
Submitted by philipp_becker on

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spelling
There are minor spelling errors (e.g., 'influencial', 'immitation', 'whitness'). Ensure you proofread your essay to avoid such mistakes which may impact readability even if they don't drastically lower your score.
development
Expand your argumentation in each paragraph. While the main points are clear, offering additional examples or further explanations could enrich your essay and improve your score.
structure
The essay has a clear and structured introduction and conclusion.
relevance
The arguments presented are relevant to the topic and supported by specific examples.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Proliferation
  • Media
  • Technology
  • Peer influence
  • Extracurricular activities
  • Educational institutions
  • Character building
  • Social norms
  • Global community
  • Cultural exchange
  • Marketing
  • Advertising
  • Preferences
  • Values
  • Government policies
  • Standardized education
  • Child welfare programs
What to do next:
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