You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic. Bullying is a big problem in many schools. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 250 words.
Bullying is an action which many
students
do to their peers and it makes several schools facing
a new issue regarding Wrong verb form
face
with
the crisis mentality and morality. From my Change preposition
apply
poin
of view, it Correct your spelling
point
is
happened Verb problem
has
due to
the inequality between the students
, and the best solition
which can tackle Correct your spelling
solution
this
problem is by giving special
subject focused on moral learning and how to be Correct article usage
a special
tollerant
Correct your spelling
tolerant
each
other.
In Change preposition
of each
the
one school, the Correct article usage
apply
students
or pupils come from various backgrounds such
as wealthy and poorer families and it sometimes brings a problem which
some of them give Change preposition
in which
the
different treatment to the richer Correct article usage
apply
students
. The result of this
pattern is many students
begining
to abandon and to do not take care Correct your spelling
beginning
each
other. Change preposition
of each
For example
, in a
one class, there are Remove the article
apply
students
who have
more Verb problem
are
financial
stable and others try to give more attention to them. Change the adjective
financially
Others peer
will be abandoned and Fix the agreement mistake
Other peers
sometime
they Replace the word
sometimes
get
Verb problem
exhibit
inappropiate
behavior Correct your spelling
inappropriate
such
as getting bad words from their peers and starting to have a sense of worthless
.
One thing that can be given as Add a missing verb
being worthless
an advice
is the schools should establish a new curriculum Remove the article
advice
a piece of advice
a bit of advice
which
moral learning Change preposition
in which
included
in the timetable. That subject consists of how to be Add a missing verb
is included
a better
Correct the article-noun agreement
a better student
better students
students
. In addition
, the teachers have to demonstrate tollerancy
behaviour to the Correct your spelling
tolerant
students
and give explanation
that financial levels are not the main measurement in Add an article
an explanation
the explanation
treathing
a person. The result is Correct your spelling
treating
students
will begin to adapt the
Change preposition
to the
behavior
of their teacher.
In conclusion, Change the spelling
behaviour
the
bullying action happens because Correct article usage
apply
the
Change preposition
of the
intollerant
between Correct your spelling
interaction
students
and it can be tackled by focusing on moral learning and showing a good way to interact each
other.Change preposition
with each
Submitted by hikmanurdin04 on
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task achievement
Your ideas are clear, but there's room for improvement in providing more comprehensive supports and relevant examples to enhance your arguments. Including specific instances or references can make your points more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
The logical flow of your essay can be improved. You may want to use more transitional words and sentences to better guide the reader through your arguments. This will make your essay more cohesive and easier to follow.
coherence cohesion
While your introduction and conclusion are presented, consider making your introduction more engaging and your conclusion more decisive. This can leave a stronger impact on the reader.
task achievement
You have clearly stated the topic and offered a clear opinion on the causes and potential solutions to bullying in schools. This is a strong starting point.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is structured with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This organization helps the reader understand your viewpoints.
task achievement
You’ve made a good effort in acknowledging different backgrounds of students and suggesting moral education as part of the curriculum to address bullying. This shows thoughtfulness in tackling the problem.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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