IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Nowadays, people are often seen neglecting their daily habits and opting for convenient yet unhealthy choices. This essay highlights the cause behind this approach and provides the healthier ways that might help people to combat the overarching problem.

#people #habits #choices #approach #combat
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Firstly
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, being a good
parent
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 requires a range of
skills
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 that are often developed through
life
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 experiences rather than through formal
education
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.
Skills
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such
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 as empathy, patience, and effective communication are crucial for parenting, but these are
also
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 general
life
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skills
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 that everyone needs, regardless of whether they choose to have children.
Schools
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 can certainly play a role in fostering these qualities
,
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apply
show examples
 but making parenting
education
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 a compulsory subject may not be practical or relevant for all
students
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. Not every student will become a
parent
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, and for those who do, the timing and context in which they need these
skills
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 will vary. Teaching parenting to young people who are not yet at a stage in
life
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 where they can fully understand or apply these lessons might not be the most effective use of educational resources.
Moreover
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,
schools
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 already have a crowded curriculum with many essential subjects that prepare
students
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 for adult
life
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. Adding mandatory parenting classes could detract from other important areas,
such
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 as career readiness, financial literacy, and mental health
education
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, which are universally applicable and immediately relevant to all
students
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. These subjects equip
students
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 with the tools they need to navigate adult
life
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 successfully, regardless of whether they choose to become parents. That being said, the
skills
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 required to be a good
parent
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 are important. A good
parent
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 needs to have strong communication
skills
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, the ability to resolve conflicts, emotional resilience, and a deep sense of responsibility. They should be able to nurture a child's emotional and physical well-being, set appropriate boundaries, and serve as a positive role model.
While
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schools
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 can introduce these concepts as part of broader
life
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skills
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education
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, it is through personal growth, maturity, and real-
life
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 experiences that these
skills
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 are best developed. In conclusion,
while
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 teaching parenting
skills
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 is valuable, it should not be a compulsory part of the school curriculum.
Instead
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,
schools
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 should focus on teaching broader
life
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skills
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 that are beneficial to all
students
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. When combined with personal experiences and maturity, these
skills
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 will help individuals become better parents if and when they choose to take on that role.
Submitted by sanakalsi3736 on

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task achievement
While the essay eloquently tackles the topic, it could benefit from incorporating more specific examples that clearly illustrate the points being made.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a solid logical structure and smoothly connects ideas. However, consider using more varied linking words to enhance coherence.
task achievement
The essay provides a comprehensive response to the task, offering a well-rounded perspective on why parenting education shouldn't be compulsory.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are strong, clearly setting out and summarizing the main arguments, which greatly enhances the readability of the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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