Some people believe that companies should hire young people. Others say that older experienced staff should be hired.Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

A large group of individuals
considire
Correct your spelling
consider
considered
that younger staff should be hired
whereas
others believe that older people suit more
due to
sufficient experience. I strongly believe that
balanced
Correct article usage
a balanced
show examples
approach is the most effective strategy
while
Change preposition
during
show examples
hiring
Correct article usage
the hiring
show examples
process. On
one
Correct article usage
the one
show examples
hand, young employees have better
skilss
Correct your spelling
skills
in dealing with modern technologies, which is
very
Add an article
a very
show examples
important feature for
workers
in all of the areas all over the world. Mankind observes many different changes in various sectors, especially in
business
Add an article
a business
the business
show examples
environment.
However
, younger
workers
cope with
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
changes better as they are better
in adaptability rather
Correct word choice
adaptable
show examples
than older
workers
. Recent studies from Cambridge University show that 78.7%
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
people in
age
Add an article
the age
show examples
group of 18-35 do not face major problems in adapting to different situations and environments.
On the other hand
, older employees have much experience
as a result
they have different skills which young employees are not likely to have until they they get older and face some different situations in their field of work.
Moreover
, older
workers
have better theoretical and practical knowledge, which
consequently
gives them more proficiency.
For instance
,
statictics
Correct your spelling
statistics
show that 7 of the 10 local
business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
show examples
prefer to send their older
workers
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
important meetings and events rather
that
Correct word choice
than
show examples
younger ones owing to their
knowkledge
Correct your spelling
knowledge
and worldview. In conclusion, I think that companies should hire
workers
from both generations as
although
their skills and abilities may differ, they still have
charachterictics
Correct your spelling
characteristics
which are suitable for their positions.
Furthermore
Add a comma
Furthermore,
show examples
they can learn from each other
thus
Correct word choice
and thus
show examples
will make a good impact both on themselves and
company's
Correct article usage
the company's
show examples
performance which businessmen need.
Submitted by i.nureddinn on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence and Cohesion
While the logical structure of your essay is commendable, there are some grammatical errors and minor inaccuracies that need addressing. For example, 'consider' is spelled incorrectly as 'considire', and 'skills' is spelled incorrectly as 'skilss'. Also, some sentences are worded awkwardly which affects readability.
Task Achievement
Your essay covers both viewpoints comprehensively and provides specific examples to support your points. However, try to elaborate a bit more on the balanced approach that you advocate in the conclusion, providing more details on how a mix of younger and older employees can benefit companies.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion, which makes it easy to follow.
Task Achievement
You have made a good effort to discuss both perspectives on the topic and provided relevant examples to support your points.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Adaptability
  • Technological proficiency
  • Longevity
  • Turnover
  • Cost-effective
  • Fresh perspectives
  • Innovative approaches
  • Experience
  • Expertise
  • Refined skill sets
  • Mentoring
  • Quality and professionalism
  • Track record
  • Reliability
  • Informed decisions
  • Customer relations
  • Trust
  • Reputation
  • Seasoned professionals
  • Diverse team
  • Dynamic work environment
  • Balanced
  • Teamwork
  • Productivity
What to do next:
Look at other essays: