IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The government is responsible for protecting a nation’s cultural identity. Some people think it is the government’s duty to ensure that new buildings are built in a traditional style. To what extent do you agree?

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The
government
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 is accountable for protecting a country’s cultural identity,
this
Linking Words
 statement develops people’s belief that new buildings should be constructed in traditional styles. In
this
Linking Words
essay
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essay,
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 I will explain why I tend to disagree. First of all, protecting the
culture
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 and tradition is absolutely the major task of the
government
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, but it is not only the
government
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’s responsibility. The nation’s
culture
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 is crucial, so every citizen in the country has a liability to protect the
culture
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, because
culture
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 is a part of society, and the country itself
is
Verb problem
does
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 not only
containing
Wrong verb form
contain
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 the
government
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.
For instance
Linking Words
, in Indonesia, they have one
motto
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 called “Bhinneka Tunggal Ika” which means Unity in Diversity. That
motto
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 is a mandatory thing every Indonesian citizen should implement in their life, not only the
government
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the
motto
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 is already embedded since they were just a kid, so they already have the awareness to protect
as well as
Linking Words
 defend the value of the
motto
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 itself.
Secondly
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,
building
Add an article
the building
a building
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 can represent the
culture
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, yet it is not only the way to represent the whole
culture
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 itself. The use of traditional
style
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 to construct some
building
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buildings
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 is a good thing to do, but
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society cannot force the
government
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 or developer to always construct the
building
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buildings
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 with the conservative
style
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, because the material, the design,
as well as
Linking Words
 the
requirement
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requirements
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 of one building to another must be different, and most likely following the trend or the technology.
For
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example
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example,
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 when building an office which has sixty floors, it could be ridiculous when people are forced to build with the traditional
style
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, which is stone or raw wood. The building will easily collapse. In conclusion, preserving the
culture
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 and tradition is every citizen of the country’s responsibility.
While
Linking Words
 it is a good thing to do, people cannot force every building in their country to be
builded
Correct your spelling
built
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by
Change preposition
in
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traditional
Correct article usage
the traditional
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style
Use synonyms
.

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task achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt and provides a clear opinion. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward expressions that slightly hinder the overall clarity.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main point that ties directly to your thesis. While you have relevant examples, they need to be more clearly linked to your argument. Working on clearer connections between ideas will strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and effectively outline your stance and summarize your main points.
task achievement
You provide relevant supporting examples that enhance your argument, such as the example from Indonesia.
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