Comuters are being used more and more in education. Some people say that this is a posetive trend, while others argue that it is leading to negeative consequences.

Without
adoubt
Correct your spelling
a doubt
doubt
,
computers
, in recent decades, have played a crucial role in our lives.
However
,
while
some individuals believe that
this
is a beneficial change, I agree with those who argue that using
computers
has
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
determental
Correct your spelling
detrimental
outcomes because it
effects
Correct your spelling
affects
show examples
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
physical
heath
Correct your spelling
health
show examples
and
also
buying it needs money. On the one hand, it could be argued that being able to
use
devices like
computers
has advanced our education in
cetain
Correct your spelling
certain
respects. The
greates
Correct your spelling
greatest
benefit is that when some
ultilize
Correct your spelling
utilise
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
in
educatio
Correct your spelling
education
, they can get some chances to work at the best company in the world since by using
comuters
Correct your spelling
computers
, they can easily access
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
top-ranked
unvierity
Correct your spelling
university
, and taking online
couses
Correct your spelling
courses
would help them to improve their resume, so once they
grauduate
Correct your spelling
graduate
, have an opportunity to hire
at
Correct your spelling
a
show examples
Add an article
the well
show examples
well known
Add a hyphen
well-known
show examples
company around the world by
sumbitting
Correct your spelling
submitting
their Cv.
Secondly
, it seems that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
computers
are
convient
Correct your spelling
convenient
.
For instance
,
instead
of different books that some ought to buy, they can
use
their
comuprte
Correct your spelling
computer
.
Therefore
, they
are not worry
Change the verb form
are not worried
show examples
about which books they should buy, as material usage
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
avaiable
Correct your spelling
available
for them
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
their computer whenever they want.
However
, I think that there are arguments to show that
comuters
Correct your spelling
computers
commuters
have a negative
impcat
Correct your spelling
impact
on education. One issue is that if people
use
computers
, their eyes get
dries
Replace the word
dry
show examples
.
For example
, I had an
experince
Correct your spelling
experience
when I was
studyin
Correct your spelling
studying
for a Tofel exam my eyes
werer
Correct your spelling
were
dired
Correct your spelling
dried
, and a doctor advised me to
use
eye-drops
Correct your spelling
eye drops
show examples
. Even worse, in my opinion, people can lose their
fouce
Correct your spelling
force
face
due to
the fact that they might get
distrubted
Correct your spelling
distracted
distributed
by other sites or
application
Fix the agreement mistake
applications
show examples
. The most damaging aspect is cost. Some, for
instence
Correct your spelling
instance
, who live in
Add an article
the low-incom
a low-incom
show examples
low-incom
Correct your spelling
low-income
family can not afford to buy
comuters
Correct your spelling
computers
commuters
for their
accademic
Correct your spelling
academic
goal. As
aresult
Correct your spelling
a result
, they get disappointed to follow their education. To
sume
Correct your spelling
sum
up,
althogh
Correct your spelling
although
it is undeniable that
comuters
Correct your spelling
computers
commuters
help people to secure better
carrer
Correct your spelling
careers
for themselves, it has
effect
Add an article
an effect
show examples
on
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
who suffer from
finacial
Correct your spelling
financial
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
show examples
.
Therefore
, on balance, I
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
that
computers
are
importain
Correct your spelling
important
that we can not
ignore
Correct pronoun usage
ignore them
show examples
.
Submitted by yektashahryari on

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task response
The essay addresses the given task effectively, but there are occasional slips in clarity and understanding. Aim to clear up these points to make your argument stronger.
task response
Strengthen your main arguments with more specific examples and statistics if possible. This will substantiate your claims better.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, but try to make the conclusion a bit more robust. Reinforce your main points succinctly.
coherence and cohesion
Work on reducing grammatical errors and typos. This would improve readability and overall flow of the essay significantly. Proofread carefully before submission.
task response
You've done a good job in presenting both sides of the argument. This shows a balanced perspective.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction successfully sets the context, and the conclusion wraps up your points well.
coherence and cohesion
Transition words like 'Secondly', 'On the one hand', and 'However' are effectively used, which helps in maintaining the flow.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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