These days many kids spend a lot of their time playing computer games instead of doing sports. What is the cause of this? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?
Nowadays,
children
are paying more attention on
video games than Change preposition
to
pyhysical
activities. There are several roots contributing to Correct your spelling
physical
this
matters
. I believe that Fix the agreement mistake
matter
this
trend has negative developments on younger generations.
To begin
with, no one can deny that the advancement of technology affects on
people's lifestyles compared to the past. When both technologies and the internet become accessible among the communities, especially a younger group, they Change preposition
apply
tends
to focus more on digital devices Change the verb form
tend
such
as computer games or smartphones rather than outdoor activities where it can be tiredsome
and energy Correct your spelling
tiresome
comsuming
. Another cause is that parental influence and behaviour might Correct your spelling
consuming
also
lead their children
to do the same as the
adults. Correct article usage
apply
For example
, parents who themselves favor sceen
time can encourage similar habits in their youngsters. Correct your spelling
screen
As a result
, kids spent
Wrong verb form
spend
time
Correct quantifier usage
more time
indoor
than outdoor Correct your spelling
indoors
activity
.
Regarding Fix the agreement mistake
activities
this
trend, there is no doubt that this
has a negative impact on children
growth in terms of health. When a person sits Change noun form
children's
in
a longer period, it might potentially Change preposition
for
detrimental
Add a missing verb
be detrimental
on
Change preposition
to
ones's
well-being. Replace the word
one's
For instance
, individuals who are inactive for a while
, leading to disease
Fix the agreement mistake
diseases
such
as obesity; likewise
, spending hours on blue
screen Correct article usage
a blue
also
lead
to Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
ailment
namely eye problems. Fix the agreement mistake
ailments
In addition
, sports can help enhances
communication skills and teamwork. Wrong verb form
enhance
However
, when children
stay at home playing video games and not
socialize with their groups. Add a missing verb
do not
Consequently
, they are prone to self isolation
and depression.
In conclusion, technology and parents both can contribute to negative developments without Add a hyphen
self-isolation
a
proper Correct article usage
apply
supervise
and role models, which will affect a young one's physical and mental health.Replace the word
supervision
Submitted by tifjong on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
Make sure to proofread your essay to correct minor spelling and grammatical errors, such as 'pyhysical' which should be 'physical' and 'comsuming' which should be 'consuming.' This will help enhance the clarity of your ideas.
task achievement
Try to further develop your supporting points with more specific examples or evidence. This could help in providing a more comprehensive response.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea. This can be done by starting each paragraph with a clear topic sentence and maintaining focus on that idea throughout the paragraph.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow between your ideas. Using more linking words and phrases will enhance the coherence of your essay.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, providing a well-structured framework for your essay.
task achievement
The essay addresses both parts of the question, providing a balanced response to the prompt.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.
Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS
Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!