Countries with a long average working time are more economically successful, but they are also likely to suffer from negative social consequences. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
There is a common belief in many countries that the more average
time
that workers
in those countries spend for occupation, the more financial achievements they will get but the society
will encounter significant social problems. I partly agree with this
assertion. All the elaboration as well as
relevant examples will be illustrated in the upcoming paragraphs.
It is vital to understand that longer working hours
lead to grammatical growth in the economy by boosting productivity. Spending more time
also
means labour will make more products, which considerably contribute to the GDP
of the whole society
. Because workers
have more time
to deal with their jobs as well as
increase the number of goods to sell to market
, which aims to meet the needs of consumers Add an article
the market
as well as
generate more income for themselves and for their businesses. China, for instance
, where labourers usually work
for approximately 12 hours
a day. Due to
their long hours
of work
, China is successful in rapidly growing the
Change the word
its
GDP
. Furthermore
, having extra time
for work
may help a lot of workers
from different fields to deal with their deadlines,especially in some technology-related jobs such
as Science computer or IT,etc. To prove this
, not only do the staffs finish their job in time
but they also
reduce their own stress level from a huge amount of work
. From this
, they can avoid product storage situations, which lead to a result in stable remaining income. Hence
, working for long hours
contributes to economic activity and also
maintains the GDP
for society
.
Although
I agree with the first clause of the statement, I still disagree with the remains. By getting more money
from long hours
of work
, employees can invest that money
in their own lives with varied purposes. First of all, they can use that money
for the healthcare objective. For example
, in terms of females will purchase skincare products or for shopping, while
males, enjoy buying some supplements which are supportive of their gymnastic activities. Moreover
, they can invest the extra money
from the added time
working in real estate for the reason of not worrying about money
when they get older. Another key which can prove that working for long average hours
may not bring negative problems to society
. That is
because,if the businesses add extra time
working, the workers
may have extra salaries which are beneficial to both sides. In terms of individual sight, as mentioned above, workers
will have more money
to enhance their life standards, while
businesses will sell more products which involves in significantly boost income and more taxes will be paid back to the government for some social purposes such
as charity activities,etc. Therefore
, working long hours
may enhance the standard for both individuals and society
.
In conclusion, I partly agree with this
notion because not only does it increase the GDP
but it also
beneficially contributes to the whole society
via high taxes.Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on
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task achievement
Your essay answers the question and covers most aspects of the prompt. However, consider refining your arguments and examples to better support your stance. Ensure each paragraph centers on a single main idea.
coherence cohesion
While your essay follows a logical structure, some transitions between ideas can be made smoother. Work on connecting your points more cohesively.
coherence cohesion
Some of your ideas could be expressed more clearly. Try to avoid overly complex sentences that may confuse the reader. Breaking down complex ideas into simpler parts can enhance clarity.
task achievement
You provide relevant examples that support your main points, but more varied and specific examples could strengthen your arguments further.
task achievement
Your essay tackles both sides of the argument and provides a balanced perspective, which shows a high level of understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and effectively frame your essay, providing a clear starting point and summary.
coherence cohesion
The essay maintains a good overall structure with paragraphs dedicated to different aspects of the argument.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.
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