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Band 6

What invention in the last 30 years has made the most difference in the lives of people? Explain why it has had such a noteworthy effect. Use specific reasons and examples to support your choice.

#invention #years #difference #lives #people #effect #support #choice
The invention of the
smart phone
Correct your spelling
smartphone
show examples
 has changed the world as we see it. It has had
such
 a noteworthy effect because it has both advantages and disadvantages to it. I believe, that as long as we maintain our screen time we have nothing to worry about. On one hand,
Phones
 have revolutionized our way of communication because they provide a platform so that we can talk to anyone anywhere, they have
also
 provided us a way to connect with
people
 all over the world and learn about their culture.
Furthermore
,
phones
 have made news more accessible to the general public and
hence
people
 can address issues in large amounts and in a more convenient way
while
also
 providing us with more functions like calculators and apps that can help with our expenses and more.
Phones
 have
also
 given us the opportunity to watch new movies and TV shows in our leisure time with apps like Netflix and Amazon Prime. From my experience, smartphones have changed society in the
last
 30 years and will continue to do so with the rise in technology. They have
also
 helped small businesses grow over time with social media and have become a huge part of a country's GDP.
On the other hand
, each advantage has its own disadvantage,
while
phones
 have become an important part of our lives, they have
also
 made us more lazy and less creative. Addiction
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
phones
 has
also
 become very common and can cause
people
 to not leave their homes and not get involved in any physical activity which can
further
 cause physical and mental illnesses.
Moreover
,
Phones
 have
also
 given a platform for scammers and predators to scam the vulnerable like the elderly and children , like my uncle who got scammed recently over a marketing scheme.
Furthermore
, long exposures to smartphones have caused
people
 to lose their eyesight over the years.
To conclude
, I believe that the advantages of using a smartphone outweigh the disadvantages provided that one takes precautions and maintains their screentimes.
Submitted by satyarthverma88 on

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task achievement
Try to include a few more specific examples to support your points. For instance, mention particular apps or features on smartphones that have revolutionized communication or business.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your points are distinctly separated and your argument flows logically from one to the next. For instance, avoid repetitive phrases and maintain the clarity of your argument.
task achievement
The essay clearly addresses both advantages and disadvantages of smartphones, providing a balanced argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • revolutionized
  • multifunctional
  • global connectivity
  • digital economy
  • sustainability
  • fossil fuels
  • precise gene editing
  • personalized medicine
  • carbon emissions
  • sustainable transportation
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