IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think it would be a good idea for schools to teach every young person how to be a good parent. Do you agree or disagree with this opinion? Describe the skills a person needs to be a good parent. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 254 words.

#people #idea #schools #person #parent #skills
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Unhealthy
foods
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 and drinks that contain a lot of sugar pose major
health
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risks
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 for
people
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.
Therefore
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, the prices of those
products
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 should be increased. I disagree with
this
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 view because making healthy
foods
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 more affordable and launching
health
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 campaigns are the most effective methods to counteract these
risks
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.
To begin
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 with, in order to prevent
people
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 from suffering from diseases
such
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 as diabetes or obesity, healthy
products
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 need to be more affordable.
This
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 is simply because it has been proven in the past that the majority of
people
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 are willing to follow a healthy diet. The only reason why they choose not to is that healthy
foods
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,
such
Linking Words
 as fruits and vegetables, are unaffordable in recent times.
As a result
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, individuals and families decide to consume cheaper options that contain high levels of sugar.
For example
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, Germany successfully combats
this
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 issue by subsidizing nutritional
foods
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 in order to offer access to a healthy diet, regardless of one’s financial status.
Furthermore
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, educating
people
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 about the
health
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risks
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 sugary
products
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 pose to their bodies is of vital importance.
That is
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 to say, a vast proportion of the population is not aware of the threats sugary food poses.
Consequently
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, governments should launch
health
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 campaigns to inform their citizens.
For instance
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, France has introduced a project that aims to educate young students about the disadvantages of consuming too many energy drinks.
This
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 has shown a reduced consumption of
this
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 drink in
this
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 country. In conclusion,
while
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 increasing the costs of sugary junk food seems like a good option, I firmly believe that decreasing the price of healthy
products
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 and informing
people
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 of potential
health
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risks
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 are the most viable solutions.
Submitted by philipp_becker on

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task achievement
Ensure that all examples are directly and clearly linked to the main points of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Maintain a clear, logical structure throughout the essay to strengthen coherence.
introduction conclusion present
The essay effectively introduces the topic and provides a clear thesis statement.
relevant specific examples
The writer uses relevant and specific examples to support the main points.
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