IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Write about the following topic: Some people think it would be a good idea for schools to teach every young person how to be a good parent. Do you agree or disagree with this opinion? Describe the skills a person needs to be a good parent. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 254 words.

#topic #people #idea #schools #person #parent #skills
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Unhealthy
foods
 and drinks that contain a lot of sugar pose major
health
risks
 for
people
.
Therefore
, the prices of those
products
 should be increased. I disagree with
this
 view because making healthy
foods
 more affordable and launching
health
 campaigns are the most effective methods to counteract these
risks
.
To begin
 with, in order to prevent
people
 from suffering from diseases
such
 as diabetes or obesity, healthy
products
 need to be more affordable.
This
 is simply because it has been proven in the past that the majority of
people
 are willing to follow a healthy diet. The only reason why they choose not to is that healthy
foods
,
such
 as fruits and vegetables, are unaffordable in recent times.
As a result
, individuals and families decide to consume cheaper options that contain high levels of sugar.
For example
, Germany successfully combats
this
 issue by subsidizing nutritional
foods
 in order to offer access to a healthy diet, regardless of one’s financial status.
Furthermore
, educating
people
 about the
health
risks
 sugary
products
 pose to their bodies is of vital importance.
That is
 to say, a vast proportion of the population is not aware of the threats sugary food poses.
Consequently
, governments should launch
health
 campaigns to inform their citizens.
For instance
, France has introduced a project that aims to educate young students about the disadvantages of consuming too many energy drinks.
This
 has shown a reduced consumption of
this
 drink in
this
 country. In conclusion,
while
 increasing the costs of sugary junk food seems like a good option, I firmly believe that decreasing the price of healthy
products
 and informing
people
 of potential
health
risks
 are the most viable solutions.
Submitted by philipp_becker on

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task achievement
Ensure that all examples are directly and clearly linked to the main points of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Maintain a clear, logical structure throughout the essay to strengthen coherence.
introduction conclusion present
The essay effectively introduces the topic and provides a clear thesis statement.
relevant specific examples
The writer uses relevant and specific examples to support the main points.
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