Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Parents today are more involved in their children's education than were parents in the past. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Education
plays a vital role in
development
Add an article
the development
show examples
of society. It is often argued that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
parents
are more concerned towards
their
Change the word
the
show examples
education
of younger ones
while
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
It is not more common in the past . I strongly agree with
this
above notion because of
trend
Add an article
the trend
a trend
show examples
of rivalry in
education
among the whole world and
Correct article usage
the rapidly
show examples
rapidly
Change the word
rapid
show examples
progression of technology leads to more
common
Replace the word
commonality
show examples
between
Change preposition
among
show examples
childs
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
.
Firstly
,
Education
considered
Add a missing verb
is considered
show examples
to be
most
Correct article usage
the most
show examples
effective tool in
modern
Add an article
the modern
show examples
world .Individuals from
whole
Change the article
the whole
show examples
world
driven
Add a missing verb
are driven
show examples
into
war
Add an article
a war
the war
show examples
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
education
.
However
,
Parents
shoud
Correct your spelling
should
more focus on their
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
education
that
Correct word choice
than
show examples
never seen
Add the auxiliary verb
is never seen
show examples
in past . Competition
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
knowledge among youngsters
increase
Change the verb form
increases
show examples
day
byy
Correct your spelling
by
day . Every parent
try
Change the verb form
tries
show examples
their best to provide efficient knowledge to their
children
. For their
education
parents
arranged a tutor at home
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
or academies.
For instance
, in
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
5 years
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
of academies
increases
Wrong verb form
has increased
show examples
two fold
Correct your spelling
twofold
show examples
and still progressing at
very
Add an article
a very
show examples
high rate.
Secondly
, Rapidly development of technology leads to more common
equiptment
Correct your spelling
equipment
for
children
like
vedio
Correct your spelling
video
games , comic movies , and so on . Nowadays,
children
have easy access to all of these. They spend plenty of time
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
playing
from
Change preposition
with
show examples
these
equiptment
Correct your spelling
equipment
.
While
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
in the past
children
prefers
Wrong verb form
preferred
show examples
to play among them.
As a result
, They were healthy and
having
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
minds free of any stress.
Due to
Change preposition
To
show examples
spend more time
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
sitting next to
Correct article usage
the Tv
show examples
Tv
Correct your spelling
TV
show examples
leads to
healthy
Replace the word
health
show examples
and mental problems
such
as obesity or anxiety .
For example
,
phycologist
Correct article usage
a phycologist
show examples
reports that in Gangaram hospital 2000 cases reports in
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
2 years , relate to
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
. which is not common in past.
Thus
, it is concluded that
parents
should be more focused on their
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
education
because of global
trend
Fix the agreement mistake
trends
show examples
and to
make
Verb problem
keep
show examples
children
away from unhealthy activities.
Submitted by muhammadahtsham457 on

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general
To improve further, strive for a clearer and more defined thesis statement in the introduction. It should more directly and succinctly present your stance.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that all paragraphs have clear topic sentences to guide the reader through your argument. This will also provide a robust structure to your essay.
task achievement
Develop and support your main points more thoroughly with relevant and specific examples. This demonstrates your ability to back up your arguments effectively.
general
Avoid grammar and spelling mistakes, as they can distract from the overall message. Proofread your work or use tools to help correct these errors prior to submission.
introduction conclusion present
The essay effectively identifies the topic and indicates a position from the beginning, which provides clarity for the reader.
supported main points
The author attempts to provide examples to support assertions, such as the increase in academies and technological impacts on children.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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