Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Parents today are more involved in their children's education than were parents in the past. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
Education
plays a vital role in development
of society. It is often argued that Add an article
the development
the
Correct article usage
apply
parents
are more concerned towards their
Change the word
the
education
of younger ones while
,
It is not more common in the past .
I strongly agree with Remove the comma
apply
this
above notion because of trend
of rivalry in Add an article
the trend
a trend
education
among the whole world and Correct article usage
the rapidly
rapidly
progression of technology leads to more Change the word
rapid
common
Replace the word
commonality
between
Change preposition
among
childs
.
Correct your spelling
children
Firstly
, Education
considered
to be Add a missing verb
is considered
most
effective tool in Correct article usage
the most
modern
world .Individuals from Add an article
the modern
whole
world Change the article
the whole
driven
into Add a missing verb
are driven
war
Add an article
a war
the war
of
Change preposition
on
education
. However
, Parents
shoud
more focus on their Correct your spelling
should
children
Change noun form
children's
education
that
Correct word choice
than
never seen
in past . Competition Add the auxiliary verb
is never seen
of
knowledge among youngsters Change preposition
for
increase
day Change the verb form
increases
byy
day . Every parent Correct your spelling
by
try
their best to provide efficient knowledge to their Change the verb form
tries
children
. For their education
parents
arranged a tutor at home,
or academies.
Remove the comma
apply
For instance
, in last
5 years Correct article usage
the last
numbers
of academies Fix the agreement mistake
number
increases
Wrong verb form
has increased
two fold
and still progressing at Correct your spelling
twofold
very
high rate.
Add an article
a very
Secondly
, Rapidly development of technology leads to more common equiptment
for Correct your spelling
equipment
children
like vedio
games , comic movies , and so on . Nowadays, Correct your spelling
video
children
have easy access to all of these. They spend plenty of time in
playing Change preposition
apply
from
these Change preposition
with
equiptment
. Correct your spelling
equipment
While
,
in the past Remove the comma
apply
children
prefers
to play among them. Wrong verb form
preferred
As a result
, They were healthy and having
minds free of any stress.
Wrong verb form
had
Due to
spend more time Change preposition
To
by
sitting next to Change preposition
apply
Correct article usage
the Tv
Tv
leads to Correct your spelling
TV
healthy
and mental problems Replace the word
health
such
as obesity or anxiety .
For example
, phycologist
reports that in Gangaram hospital 2000 cases reports in Correct article usage
a phycologist
last
2 years , relate to Correct article usage
the last
childrens
. which is not common in past.
Correct your spelling
children
Thus
, it is concluded that parents
should be more focused on their children
Change noun form
children's
education
because of global trend
and to Fix the agreement mistake
trends
make
Verb problem
keep
children
away from unhealthy activities.Submitted by muhammadahtsham457 on
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general
To improve further, strive for a clearer and more defined thesis statement in the introduction. It should more directly and succinctly present your stance.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that all paragraphs have clear topic sentences to guide the reader through your argument. This will also provide a robust structure to your essay.
task achievement
Develop and support your main points more thoroughly with relevant and specific examples. This demonstrates your ability to back up your arguments effectively.
general
Avoid grammar and spelling mistakes, as they can distract from the overall message. Proofread your work or use tools to help correct these errors prior to submission.
introduction conclusion present
The essay effectively identifies the topic and indicates a position from the beginning, which provides clarity for the reader.
supported main points
The author attempts to provide examples to support assertions, such as the increase in academies and technological impacts on children.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.