in recent years, many people small local shops have closed because customers travel to large shopping centres or mall to do their shopping. Is this positive or negative development?
In many
part
of the world, many Change to a plural noun
parts
people
are going to the mall
for shopping. Meanwhile, it has negative
Add an article
a negative
impact
for
local Change preposition
on
shops
and it has changed the way people
shopping
. Wrong verb form
shop
This
eassy
Correct your spelling
easy
essay
believe
shopping in the Correct subject-verb agreement
believes
mall
is more effective. For the following reasons. Is this
the most effective ways
?
First of all, I believe that the Fix the agreement mistake
way
mall
provide
job opportunities for many Change the verb form
provides
people
in some place
. Fix the agreement mistake
places
This
is good
solution to develop the city, and those Add an article
a good
people
can look for experience or make network
with each other. Correct article usage
a network
For example
, at 1 mall
or large shopping centre
there are types of work. Add a comma
centre,
Besides
, it offer
Change the verb form
offers
wider
range of Add an article
a wider
product
in Fix the agreement mistake
products
the
one Correct article usage
apply
place
and get
good service.
Change the verb form
gets
Secondly
, at mall
provide
a Correct subject-verb agreement
provides
place
to relax and play. After bored from work a lot of people
needs
to go out and play with their children, and the Correct subject-verb agreement
need
mall
is good
Add an article
a good
place
to quality time with family. For example
, at mall
there are Add an article
the mall
a mall
playground
, enjoy with Fix the agreement mistake
playgrounds
cup
of Add an article
a cup
coffe
to tea, or watching some Correct your spelling
coffee
favorite
movie in the cinema. Change the spelling
favourite
Additionally
, we can buy some dress, like clothes or pants, even it
Correct word choice
if it
more
expensive but it Add a missing verb
is more
has
good quality. Verb problem
is
Furthermore
, we can find local or international brand
, Fix the agreement mistake
brands
such
as Nike, Dior, etc. and this
product is not aviable
in the local or small Correct your spelling
available
shops
.
In conclusion, while
a few claim there are negative impact
Fix the agreement mistake
impacts
for
local Change preposition
on
shops
. However
, large shopping centres clearly give
Verb problem
have
positive
Correct article usage
a positive
impact
for
several Change preposition
on
people
. Therefore
, the government should to
give education Change the verb form
apply
for
small Change preposition
to
shops
about positive
Add an article
the positive
impact
from
the Change preposition
of
mall
.Submitted by arniaqlina44 on
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coherence
The essay could benefit from a more consistent logical structure. Ensure each paragraph has one main idea and supports it comprehensively. For example, job opportunities and variety of products can be separate paragraphs.
coherence
The introduction needs to clearly state the position and outline the main points that the essay will discuss. Consider rephrasing to: "Although shopping malls have some benefits, this essay argues that the closure of local shops has more negative impacts."
cohesion
In some instances, the ideas in the essay could be more clearly expressed. Try to use varied sentence structures and avoid repetitive phrases. For example, instead of always using "For example," you can occasionally use "Such as," or "To illustrate."
task response
Be sure to provide specific examples that are relevant and add weight to your argument. For instance, when mentioning job opportunities, specify which jobs and how they benefit people.
task response
Ensure each point made in the essay is relevant and specific. Details about the range of products are good but make sure they directly support the argument being made. For instance, this point can be tied to consumer convenience and quality.
content
The essay attempts to cover both aspects of the issue and offers some relevant ideas about the benefits of shopping malls.
content
The writer uses examples such as job opportunities and family activities to explain their points.
structure.content
The presence of an introduction and conclusion provides a framework for the essay, making it easier to follow.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic
Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.
You essay structure should look something like this:
- Introduction
- Body paragraph 1 – Problems
- Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
- Conclusion
Examples to start your body paragraph:
- One of the first problems of the...
- Another problem that needs to be considered...
- A possible solution to this problem would be...
- One immediate practical solution is to...