56. Some people think that children should begin their formal education at a very early age and should spend most of their time on school studies. Others believe that young children should spend most of their time playing. Compare these two views. Which view do you agree with? Why?

There is a
spilt
Correct your spelling
split
show examples
opinion regarding
to
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
how
children
should spend their
time
. Some
believes
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believe
show examples
that
children
significantly need to use their
time
though-out
Correct your spelling
throughout
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
school studies to enhance their
education
process,
whereas
another group of thinkers support that kids should use
time
more on playing rather than studying.
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
both
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
pros and cons.
Therefore
, before commenting on my decision, both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
opinions would be discussed. Examining the
farmer
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farmers
show examples
opinion,
children
’s
education
is
crucial
Add an article
a crucial
show examples
path for
them
Change the pronoun
their
show examples
future. To elaborate more, spending
time
on
somethings
Fix the agreement mistake
something
show examples
useful
such
as learning
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
develop
Correct article usage
a child
show examples
child
Change noun form
child's
show examples
knowledge and cognitive thinking.
For example
, there are summer schools
present
Correct pronoun usage
that present
show examples
entertainment curriculums which help students
ti
Correct your spelling
to
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promote their mental skills and
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
prepare them
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
the next level at school.
As a result
,
children
become with
Verb problem
need
show examples
more knowledge and
education
experience to be successful
learning
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in learning
show examples
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
with his/ her
peer
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peers
show examples
.
In addition
, they
also
believe that a very early age plays a
dramatically
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dramatic
show examples
role in
child
development and the experience
child
Correct article usage
a child
show examples
gathering through study will influence positively on enter life.
On the contrary
, the
later
Correct your spelling
latter
show examples
view
suggest
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suggests
show examples
that playing is
essential
Add an article
an essential
show examples
part
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
young
children
. They need to build their social environment
via
Change preposition
by
show examples
playing with others. To explain, the idea of sharing and playing with another
child
establishes a sense of communication and challenge between each
others
Change to a singular noun
other
show examples
. So. They will ameliorate the individual’s personality and they will have a strong independent person in future who can avoid any problems.
Beside
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Besides
show examples
this
,
spend
Wrong verb form
spending
show examples
more
time
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
playing reduces
child’s
Correct article usage
a child’s
show examples
super-activity; some kids
had
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
energy and power inside them ,so
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
need to decrease it by playing to not
herd
Verb problem
hurt
show examples
themself.
To
Change preposition
In
show examples
conclusion,
spend
Wrong verb form
spending
show examples
time
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
studying articles and books will develop cognitive knowledge
as well as
preparing
Wrong verb form
prepare
show examples
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
next
Correct article usage
the next
show examples
level at school ,
while
employ
Change the verb form
employing
show examples
time
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
playing establishes a good personality of
child
Add an article
a child
the child
show examples
at nearly
Rephrase
in the near
show examples
future. In my perspective, parents should
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
balance
time
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
their
children
to present
a
Change the article
an
show examples
excellent
education
and
entertainment
Replace the word
entertaining
show examples
childhood via using
time
Add an article
the time
show examples
to develop
children
’s abilities in all aspects of scientific and practical life.
Submitted by sheikha1996mohammed on

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cognitive development
  • Intellectual growth
  • Structured learning environment
  • Discipline
  • Focus
  • Social skills
  • Emotional regulation
  • Conflict resolution
  • Creativity
  • Imagination
  • Holistic development
  • Play-based learning
  • Burnout
  • Holistic approach
  • Specialized subjects
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