Children are facing more pressure from academic, social and commercial perspectives. What are the causes of such pressure? What measures can be taken to reduce it?
Youngth
oftenly
Correct your spelling
often
getting
pressure from academic, social, and commercial perspectives. It is because of the weak system of our world and Wrong verb form
gets
best
solution for Correct article usage
the best
this
can strengh
Correct your spelling
strengthen
this aspects
.
If we just pay attention to how the current Change the determiner
this aspect
these aspects
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
learning
in schools, we can see that the many bad things happening Wrong verb form
learn
for
Change preposition
to
children
and government
often can not reduce Correct article usage
the government
this
problem. Bulling
from the Correct your spelling
Bullying
classsmates
or even from teachers can give Correct your spelling
classmates
Add an article
the kid
a kid
kid
a lot of Fix the agreement mistake
kids
complex
about Replace the word
complexity
himself
. Correct pronoun usage
themselves
For example
, my little brother the victin
of Correct your spelling
victim
victims
such
situation
. He told my parents how classmates exclude him from Correct article usage
a situation
everythings
because Correct your spelling
everything
of
he has a little bit more weight and we can not Change preposition
apply
imagin
what feels Correct your spelling
imagine
children
in this
situatim
. It is Correct your spelling
situation
awfull
.
Correct your spelling
awful
awfully
For
decline Change preposition
To
this
badness, we should learn
Verb problem
teach
children
that this
is not good and if it is happens
the punishment will be strong. If there Change the verb form
happens
bulling
from teachers we just must Correct your spelling
bullying
excude
from work or in extreme Correct your spelling
exclude
exude
excuse
case
use Fix the agreement mistake
cases
law
. Correct article usage
the law
For instance
, when my brother told us what's
going on we imidently went to school Wrong verb form
what was
with
Change preposition
to
complain
and Replace the word
complaint
demand
the action from teachers and Wrong verb form
demanded
few
days later there was a big meeting about Change the article
a few
this
accindent
. Of course, in Correct your spelling
incident
Correct article usage
the beggining
Correct your spelling
beginning
beggining
there was no change, but after Add a comma
beggining,
year
my brother started Correct article usage
a year
tolding
me about his school friend.
In conclusion, some students get pressure in society and it is because of a weak system in schools. So the punishment and saying a lot about Correct your spelling
telling
this
things to Correct determiner usage
these
children
is the only solution for this
phenomenon.Submitted by Kawasaki on
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task achievement
To improve the task response, ensure that both causes and solutions are addressed in detail. The essay hints at some causes but doesn't elaborate on them extensively. Similarly, solutions are mentioned but are not deeply discussed.
coherence and cohesion
Focus on organizing ideas in a logical order. While the essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, the body paragraphs could be better structured to enhance readability and connectivity of ideas. Make use of transition words to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
language use and accuracy
Work on grammatical accuracy and use of vocabulary. There are several grammatical inaccuracies and spelling errors that can be minimized with careful proofreading or using grammar-check tools. Enhancing vocabulary will also help in expressing ideas more effectively.
task achievement
The essay addresses a relevant and critical issue, showing a commendable understanding of the pressure faced by children in different aspects of their lives.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and provide a frame for the discussion, which is crucial for a well-rounded essay.
task achievement
Personal experiences add a touch of authenticity to the essay, making the arguments more relatable and impactful.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic
Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.
You essay structure should look something like this:
- Introduction
- Body paragraph 1 – Problems
- Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
- Conclusion
Examples to start your body paragraph:
- One of the first problems of the...
- Another problem that needs to be considered...
- A possible solution to this problem would be...
- One immediate practical solution is to...