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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the percentage of volunteers by organizations in 2008 and 2014.

The pie chart illustrates the proportion of voluntary supporters in the different organizations in 2008 and 2014. Looking at the charts,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the percentages of environmental,
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
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 and health care
volunteers
Use synonyms
 in organizations witnessed
the
Correct article usage
apply
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growth
while
Linking Words
 these figures for other genres recorded
the
Correct article usage
a
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 decrease. It is noticeable that education and
environment
Replace the word
environmental
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 activities attracted the largest numbers of
volunteers
Use synonyms
 in 2008 and 2014. In 2008, 24% of
volunteers
Use synonyms
 participated in environmental organizations.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 number fell
down
Change preposition
apply
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dramatically by 7% after 6 years.
While
Linking Words
 the educational organization continuously grew up to 29% in the given period.
Additionally
Linking Words
, we can see that the rate of
volunteers
Use synonyms
 in
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
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 fields shot up considerably from 15% in 2008 to 25% in 2014. Starting at 18% and 15% respectively in 2008, the figure for art and other voluntary work recorded a similar decline of 6% over a 6-year period. Healthcare stayed almost unchanged over the years, with only a 1% increase. Experiencing 6 years,
this
Linking Words
 field still
unimproved
Add a missing verb
has unimproved
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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attraction to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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supporters.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words volunteers with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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