IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 1

It is better for companies to help their workers feel happy at work rather than put lots of pressure on them for the sake of profit. Do you agree or disagree?

#companies #workers #work #lots #pressure #sake #profit
Companies these days focus on
get
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getting
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 a high result
of
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from
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 working
regadless
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regardless
 of the pressure and the health condition, the point of working is to have
a
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apply
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good money to live but not living to work and
that is
 why most
of
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apply
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people get
a burnout
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burned
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 too early in these days. In my opinion, I completely disagree with
this
 idea
cause
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because
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 we all want to live a happy and healthy life,
peeple
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people
 need to give
the
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apply
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priority to their life and their health more than working to get
a
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apply
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good money, you can not get enjoy your life when your time and your health is
losted
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listed
 at working. companies can change their roles and their
opnion
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opinion
opinions
 about hard
working
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work
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 to get more
benifits
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benefits
, when you have an
emplyee
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employee
with
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in
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 a good mood and less pressure you will get a better result.
Submitted by h.b.s12301 on

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task response
In your introduction, provide a clear thesis statement that indicates your position on the topic more explicitly. Also, ensure that your main points are clearly presented in the introduction, as this sets the stage for the rest of the essay.
task response
Develop each main point with specific details, examples, or evidence to make your arguments more compelling. This will strengthen your task achievement as well as coherence and cohesion.
coherence and cohesion
Improve sentence structures and word choices to avoid repetition and redundancy. For instance, avoid using phrases like 'good money' repeatedly and try using synonyms or rephrasing.
coherence and cohesion
Enhance the logical flow of ideas by using transitional phrases such as 'furthermore,' 'in addition,' 'however,' or 'therefore' to guide the reader through your arguments.
task response
Your essay presents a clear standpoint and addresses the topic of workplace happiness versus profit pressure.
coherence and cohesion
The essay generally follows a logical structure, moving from the problem to your opinion and offering a potential solution.
task response
The introduction and body paragraphs contain relevant points related to employee wellbeing and company policies, highlighting crucial arguments against excessive work pressure.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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