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Band 4.5

In somes countries, more and more people are becoming interested in finding out about the history of the house or building they live in. What are the reasons for this? How can people research this?

#somes #countries #people #history #house #research
Recently, in a part of countries,
people
 have
interest
Correct article usage
an interest
show examples
 in their own
house
 or building and they search about the
history
. In my country, Japan we do not have
such
trend
Correct article usage
a trend
show examples
, but when we buy or rent a
house
, we check the
history
. I would like to think why foreign
people
 have
interest
Correct article usage
an interest
show examples
 in searching
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
history
.
First
Add an article
The first
show examples
 reason is that we do not like the
house
 which had bad
incident
Fix the agreement mistake
incidents
show examples
 in the past.
For example
, in a
house
,
murder
Correct article usage
a murder
show examples
was happened
Change to the active voice
happened
has happened
show examples
 before we
rent
Wrong verb form
rented
show examples
, we do not want to live in, because ghost exists
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
or we may get a mental disease. Ghost is so
scared
Replace the word
scary
show examples
 and we do not want mental
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
. We can not go back
that
Change preposition
to that
show examples
house
.
Second
Add an article
The second
show examples
 reason is
house
Fix the agreement mistake
houses
show examples
 or
building
Fix the agreement mistake
buildings
show examples
 have
price
Fix the agreement mistake
prices
show examples
, and
Correct article usage
the price
show examples
price
Fix the agreement mistake
prices
show examples
 of
these property
Change the determiner
this property
these properties
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 growing
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
these days.
Price
Correct article usage
The price
show examples
 of them is decided by
Correct article usage
the ages
show examples
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
show examples
 and
history
Correct article usage
the history
show examples
 of
house
Add an article
the house
show examples
. I think
people
 want to check the
price
 of
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
show examples
 estates for a future life plan
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 so
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
history
 of
house
Add an article
the house
show examples
 is
important
Add an article
an important
the important
show examples
fact
Correct your spelling
factor
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 deciding prices.
Third
Add an article
The third
A third
show examples
 reason is
interest
Add an article
the interest
an interest
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
house
history
. After we start to live in a
house
, we do not care about the
history
. But when we search
it
Change preposition
for it
show examples
, we may find a wonderful
history
 of
own
Correct pronoun usage
our own
show examples
house
.
For instance
, I found an old
blue print
Correct your spelling
blueprint
show examples
 in my
parent
Change noun form
parent's
show examples
house
. The graph shows the
house
 has
large
Add an article
a large
show examples
 area, and now the area was reduced. But I was so excited to know the
history
.
To sum up
, I described three reasons why some
people
 have
interest
Correct article usage
an interest
show examples
 in finding
about
Change preposition
out about
show examples
 the
history
. Searching
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
history
 is
scared
Replace the word
scary
show examples
, financial, and fun.
Submitted by kanchanakularathna1991 on

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task achievement
Ensure that you address all parts of the task in detail and provide a complete response. For instance, you could add more information on why people are interested in the history of their houses and discuss the methods people can use to research this history as the prompt requests.
task achievement
Try to develop ideas more thoroughly with clear and comprehensive explanations. Adding more detailed and connected arguments would strengthen your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear and logical structure by grouping related ideas into clear, coherent paragraphs. You could consider using more linking words and phrases to guide the reader through your arguments and show the relationships between ideas.
coherence and cohesion
While the introduction and conclusion are present, ensure they provide a clear framework for your discussion. Make use of clear topic sentences for each paragraph to improve the overall structure.
task achievement
Support your main points with relevant and specific examples. It is beneficial to illustrate your arguments well in order to make them more convincing.
task achievement
Your essay addresses interesting and important points regarding why people might be interested in the history of their homes. This shows a good understanding of the task.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames your discussion effectively.
task achievement
You provide specific examples, such as the one involving the old blueprint in your parent's house, which adds a personal touch and makes your arguments more relatable.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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