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Band 4.5

With growing numbers of people convicted of crimes, prisons are getting full. People are beginning to call for the use of more alternative forms of punishment that do not involve a prison sentence for non-violent crimes. What are the advantages and disadvantages of such a system?

#numbers #people #crimes #prisons #alternative #forms #punishment #prison #sentence #system
There a various reasons for the crimes, some
criminals
 spend more than half of their life in prison causing unintentional crimes. In my opinion, there are many advantages of changing the punishment that do not involve a prison, there are many ways to create programs that help
criminals
 improve themselves and avoid any act that can lead to a crime. As with anything else, there is an advantage of that, some
criminals
 can exploit any change in rules to get more ability do their crimes and not care about the punishment if it does not lead to prison, so here
people
 can realize the main reason for setting the punishments, it is important to decide the right punishment for every specific crime to let
people
 feel safe and comfort from the
criminals
. In conclusion,
people
 need to not let their emotions control them, as a basic, any rules in the world should be strong and just, the balance is important to keep everything fair enough for the country and the
people
.
Submitted by h.b.s12301 on

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task achievement
Your essay presents some valid points but lacks detailed support and specific examples. To improve, provide more detailed explanations and relevant examples for each point you make.
coherence cohesion
Improve the structure of your essay by clearly outlining your main points in the introduction, thoroughly discussing each in separate paragraphs, and creating a well-rounded conclusion.
task achievement
You have a clear conclusion that emphasizes the importance of just and balanced rules.
task achievement
Your essay shows an understanding of the need for balance between punishment and rehabilitation.
coherence cohesion
You have included an introduction and a conclusion, which helps provide structure to your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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