Everyone in the world is wearing the same brand and watching the same TV channels and movies. Do you think it is a positive or a negative development?

Every individual in the
world
is wearing the same clothing
brand
and enjoying the same TV channels and movies. I think
this
is a positive development because utilizing the same thing in the
world
and watching the same
brand
help to spread
solidarity
and peace among the
people
around the
world
and it is beneficial for the
busines
Correct your spelling
business
of that
brand
. When everyone in the
world
wear
Change the verb form
wears
show examples
the same
brand
, it will help to
speard
Correct your spelling
spread
solidarity
and peace among the
people
.
People
while
visiting other countries, will observe
people
from that country
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
wearing the same clothing or
accessorries
Correct your spelling
accessories
brand
like them. It increases the sense of
solidarity
among the nations.
For instance
, Apple is one of the
popular
Correct quantifier usage
most popular
show examples
brands
among
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
world
.
People
from almost every
nations
Change to a singular noun
nation
show examples
are
familier
Correct your spelling
familiar
with Apple watch, and they utilize it.
Therefore
,
people
from all over the
world
know
Apple
Correct article usage
the Apple
show examples
brand
as
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
most popular
brand
and when
people
experience
this
familiarity, it
enhance
Change the verb form
enhances
show examples
the sense of
solidarity
.
In addition
, if
people
from all over the
world
use the same
brand
, it is good for that particular
brand
because they can sell their products a lot.
People
, from all across the
world
, invest their money
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
the same product, which helps to increase their
sell
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sales
show examples
.
For instance
,
people
like the
brand
Samsung, and they invest their valuable money
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
it, which leads to
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
show examples
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
sell
Replace the word
sales
show examples
of that product. In conclusion, using the same
brand
helps to increase the sell and
solidarity
among
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nations around the
world
. It is
overall
a positive development.
Submitted by rahman_rehana on

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task achievement
The essay provides a complete response to the task. However, it could benefit from a more detailed exploration of the points raised and more relevant examples.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a logical structure with an introduction and conclusion. However, some ideas need smoother transitions for better coherence.
coherence cohesion
Ensure there is consistency and clarity in language, e.g., 'speard' should be 'spread' and 'familier' should be 'familiar'. Proofreading for minor errors can make the essay more professional.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task prompt directly and reinforces the positives of uniformity in brand use with two clear main arguments.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and summarize the main points effectively, giving the essay a complete structure.
task achievement
The use of examples like Apple and Samsung effectively illustrate the essay's points, making the arguments more relatable.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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