IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people say that the main environmental issue of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important problems. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Some individuals assume that nowadays, the major issue of our nature is the deprivation of
a certain types
Correct the article-noun agreement
certain types
a certain type
show examples
 of flora and fauna,
while
Linking Words
 others think that we should focus on other ecological problems because they are way more vital. Even though humanity has other more relevant problems to focus on, the problem mentioned above can be dramatically dangerous, depending on the situation. First of all, of course, there are many things we should worry about, mostly air pollution.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
impacts
Correct article usage
the impacts
show examples
 of
this
Linking Words
 issue on our planet rise every year, making it harder to deal with.
For instance
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, in the city of Almaty, the air is so dirty,
living
Correct word choice
that living
show examples
 there for one year affects your lungs as much as 435
cigarretes
Correct your spelling
cigarettes
. A
solve
Replace the word
solution
show examples
 for it is not seen any time soon. Without taking any
further
Linking Words
 actions, these issues will harm not just human beings, but all living creatures.
Secondly
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, losing particular types of our
nature
Replace the word
natural
show examples
 population may sound extremely bad yet it is a little overexaggerated. Its danger level relies on other conditions. If there are any replacements for an animal,
wiping
Wrong verb form
wiped
show examples
 out from the planet Earth, it is not necessary
be
Add the particle
to be
show examples
 as frustrated as it seems to be. If not, well, there is a reason to take immediate
actions
Fix the agreement mistake
action
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
, in the
last
Linking Words
 couple of years, a special type of
horses
Fix the agreement mistake
horse
show examples
 called
Mongolian
Correct article usage
the Mongolian
show examples
 horse
was
Verb problem
has
show examples
disappearing
Wrong verb form
disappeared
show examples
due to
Linking Words
 the people, massively eating horse meat. So UN helped Mongolia to increase
these
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
horses
Change noun form
horse's
horses'
show examples
 population. In conclusion, the general public worries about many issues but they do not mind about a
disappearence
Correct your spelling
disappearance
 of flora and fauna, which is sometimes well-deserved and sometimes not.

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task achievement
Your essay addresses both sides of the argument and offers your opinion, which is great. However, try to develop your ideas more clearly and comprehensively. For instance, elaborate on why the loss of species might be less critical in some situations compared to others.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to sentence structure and variety. Some of your sentences can be more varied to improve the overall flow. Ensure your points are more cohesively linked to further strengthen the coherence of your essay.
task achievement
You provided a balanced discussion by presenting both sides of the argument clearly.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present, which helps frame your essay effectively.
task achievement
You used relevant examples like the situation in Almaty and the Mongolian horse, which strengthens your arguments.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • extinction
  • habitat loss
  • ecosystem
  • food chain
  • imbalance
  • interconnected
  • climate change
  • pollution
  • personal actions
  • policy changes
  • education
  • awareness
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