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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

With deforestation, urban development and illegal hunting, many animal species are becoming endangered as they lose their habitat and some are even treatened to the point of extinction. Do you think it is important to protect animals? What measures can be taken to deal with this problem?

#deforestation #development #species #habitat #point #extinction #animals #measures
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In
this
 contemporary world, many
animals
 are facing extinction
due to
 cutting down forests and killing wildlife illegally. In my opinion,
animals
 are living
creatures
 like humans. In order to protect them, governments should restrict laws and organize nature reserves.
Firstly
,
animals
 are living
creatures
 like humans and should be treated
respectively
Rephrase
equally
show examples
.
Animals
 can feel pain and fear, they are our brothers. And I believe we need to protect them and keep them out of danger. It is our duty to preserve
animals
 and their natural habitats, and
hence
, protecting
animals
 is vital. To handle
this
 issue, governments should pass strict laws, forbidding
kill
Wrong verb form
killing
show examples
 and even
try
Wrong verb form
trying
show examples
 to kill
animals
, birds, insects and sea
creatures
. People should organize programs, encouraging people to protect
Correct article usage
the environmental
show examples
environmental
Replace the word
environment
show examples
 and explaining
which
Correct word choice
why
show examples
 it is so necessary. Another solution is to open more and more nature reserves, creating a suitable environment for species. Specifically, in Uzbekistan, there is a  red book, where everyone can
found
Wrong verb form
find
show examples
 extinct species. And only through
these
Correct determiner usage
this
show examples
 hard work, endangered
animals
 can be guarded. In conclusion, it is vital to protect
animals
, since they are living
creatures
. In order to tackle
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
 issue,
state
Add an article
the state
show examples
 should pass laws and introduce more nature reserves.
Submitted by halilova039 on

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task achievement
Provide more specific examples and detailed ideas to clearly support your main points and make the argument stronger.
coherence cohesion
Ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs and enhance the logical flow of ideas to improve coherence.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and effectively encapsulate the main ideas of the essay.
task achievement
The essay includes a clear position on the topic and engages with it comprehensively, demonstrating an understanding of the importance of animal protection.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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