Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think that it is fully justified while others think that it is unfair.

Nowadays, it is argued that
athletes
should earn lots of money.
While
others confirm that it would be unfair. In
this
essay, I will discuss both these views and try to draw some conclusions. On the one hand, some believe that the fact
athletes
are rich is completely justified.
This
is because it brings prestige to their countries. When
athletes
compete and win prizes,
this
is a huge achievement for their
countrues
Correct your spelling
countries
. And,
therefore
, successful sportsmen are encouraged by the state (money or real estate). What is more, sports professionals spend a substantial amount of time in order to be ready. They even devote whole their lives to
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
,
work
Correct word choice
and work
show examples
hard.  And,
hence
, it is totally justified.
On the other hand
, it is approved that other professions are
also
important and should be encouraged
be
Correct your spelling
by
show examples
the same reward. Occupations, like teachers or
doctors
Add the comma(s)
doctors,
show examples
are vital for our world. Professors, like
athletes
Add the comma(s)
athletes,
show examples
are lifelong learners and devote themselves entirely to their work. Teachers help educate the younger generation,
while
doctors help keep
this
generation healthy. In my opinion, it is essential to provide worthy rewards to all important professions. In conclusion,
while
athletes
who work hard and represent their countries
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
international competitions are worthy rewarded, I
would
Verb problem
apply
show examples
also
believe that other professions are
also
vital and should be encouraged by the government.
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coherence cohesion
Enhance your logical structure. Some points in the paragraphs could be better organized and linked, to improve the flow of ideas.
task achievement
Ensure consistent use of punctuation and eliminate minor grammatical errors to make your writing clearer.
task achievement
Include specific examples to illustrate your main points. This will help strengthen your argument and make it more convincing.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which outlines your stance very well.
task achievement
You address both sides of the argument reasonably, which shows an understanding of the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial remuneration
  • exceptional
  • merit
  • talent
  • demand
  • entertainment value
  • career span
  • physical demands
  • justified
  • unfair
  • criticism
  • income inequality
  • societal priorities
  • sportsmanship
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