Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think that it is fully justified while others think that it is unfair.

#sports #professionals #money #people #professions

Nowadays, it is argued that

athletes

should earn lots of money.

While

others confirm that it would be unfair. In

this

essay, I will discuss both these views and try to draw some conclusions. On the one hand, some believe that the fact

athletes

are rich is completely justified.

This

is because it brings prestige to their countries. When

athletes

compete and win prizes,

this

is a huge achievement for their

countrues

Correct your spelling

countries

. And,

therefore

, successful sportsmen are encouraged by the state (money or real estate). What is more, sports professionals spend a substantial amount of time in order to be ready. They even devote whole their lives to

sport

Fix the agreement mistake

sports

show examples

work

Correct word choice

and work

show examples

hard. And,

hence

, it is totally justified.

On the other hand

, it is approved that other professions are

also

important and should be encouraged

Correct your spelling

show examples

the same reward. Occupations, like teachers or

doctors

Add the comma(s)

doctors,

show examples

are vital for our world. Professors, like

athletes

Add the comma(s)

athletes,

show examples

are lifelong learners and devote themselves entirely to their work. Teachers help educate the younger generation,

while

doctors help keep

this

generation healthy. In my opinion, it is essential to provide worthy rewards to all important professions. In conclusion,

while

athletes

who work hard and represent their countries

Change preposition

show examples

international competitions are worthy rewarded, I

would

Verb problem

apply

show examples

also

believe that other professions are

also

vital and should be encouraged by the government.

Submitted by halilova039 on Mon Aug 26 2024

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coherence cohesion

Enhance your logical structure. Some points in the paragraphs could be better organized and linked, to improve the flow of ideas.

task achievement

Ensure consistent use of punctuation and eliminate minor grammatical errors to make your writing clearer.

task achievement

Include specific examples to illustrate your main points. This will help strengthen your argument and make it more convincing.

coherence cohesion

You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which outlines your stance very well.

task achievement

You address both sides of the argument reasonably, which shows an understanding of the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

222 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

financial remuneration
exceptional
merit
talent
demand
entertainment value
career span
physical demands
justified
unfair
criticism
income inequality
societal priorities
sportsmanship

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Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think that it is fully justified while others think that it is unfair.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

In the past, when students did a university degree, they tended to study in their own country. Nowadays, they have more opportunity to study abroad. What are the advantages and disadvantages of thi development?

Some people think that schools should reward students who show the best academic results, while others believe that it is more important to reward students who show improvements. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Write a letter to your colleagues. In your letter • remind your colleagues what the special occasion you were celebrating was • thank them for the card and gift • explain why you like the gift and how you will use it

It has been suggested that cars and public transport should be banned from city centres and only bicycles be allowed instead. To what extent do you agree or disagree?