IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2.5

Many people believe that the government of a country should pay for health care and education of its citizens. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give your opinion.

#people #government #country #health #care #education #citizens
It can be stated that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 Education and
The
Correct your spelling
Healthcare
show examples
Health
 care
facility
Fix the agreement mistake
facilities
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is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 the basic
right
Fix the agreement mistake
rights
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 of every citizen.
Although
Correct word choice
However
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, A
Government
 should be responsible for taking care of
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
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residents
. I strongly agree with the above notion because the
residents
 paid different kinds of
tax
 to
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 on
monthly
Correct article usage
a monthly
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 basis.
To begin
 with, All the
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
show examples
 have the responsibility to pay
tax
Fix the agreement mistake
taxes
show examples
 on time. A
government
 economy
revolove
Correct your spelling
revolve
revolves
 around different incomes, one of the most important is the
tax
 that
it's
Unnecessary verb
it
show examples
recieved
Correct your spelling
receives
 from the local
residents
.
As a result
,
Government
Correct article usage
the Government
show examples
 organize the structure to provide
health
 care and education
facility
Fix the agreement mistake
facilities
show examples
 to their citizen.
For instance
, In
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
 Kingdom ,
local
Add an article
the local
a local
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 resident should be responsible
to pay
Change preposition
for paying
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 40% of their incomes to
Add an article
the
show examples
government
 in the form of
tax
.
As a result
,
Health
Correct article usage
the Health
show examples
 facility is free for all the
residents
 .
Additionally
,
Majority
Correct article usage
the Majority
show examples
 of the
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 seek
admissions
Fix the agreement mistake
admission
show examples
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 different
university
Fix the agreement mistake
universities
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 which is
also
 free of cost. To summarize
this
,
Government
Correct article usage
the Government
show examples
recieved
Correct your spelling
receives
tax
Fix the agreement mistake
taxes
show examples
 from their
residents
 to provide
health
 and education facilities, which is totally free of cost for
Correct article usage
the national
show examples
national
Replace the word
nation
show examples
.
Submitted by muhammadahtsham457 on

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task achievement
Ensure that your introduction clearly sets out the main points you will discuss in your essay. While your introduction is present, it needs to be more precise in indicating the direction of your argument.
task achievement
While you have provided some reasoning and examples, aim to delve deeper into your points. For example, explain more thoroughly how taxes directly translate into free healthcare and education, and consider discussing alternative viewpoints briefly to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a basic logical structure, but it would benefit from more explicit linking between paragraphs and within paragraphs. Use more cohesive devices, such as ‘firstly,’ ‘moreover,’ and ‘therefore,’ to guide the reader through your points smoothly.
task achievement
You have chosen a relevant example with the United Kingdom, which strengthens your argument by providing real-world context.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has an introduction and conclusion, which provides a sense of completeness.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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