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Band 4

Today, more and more tourists are visiting places where conditions are difficult, such as the Sahara desert or the Antarctic. What are the benefits and disadvantages for tourists who visit such palces?

#tourists #places #conditions #sahara #desert #antarctic #visit #palces
Recently, the number of tourists has kept growing
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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visiting places where conditions are extreme, 
such
 as the Sahara desert or the Antarctic. 
This
 essay will discuss
about
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
the benefits and drawbacks of visiting difficult places,
such
 as
Antarctica
.
Antarctica
 is
the
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apply
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one of the coldest places in the world. Only a few people live there,
due to
 the weather being extreme.
First, 
the benefits of living in
antartics
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Antartics
show examples
 is,we are that we can avoid crowded areas and traffic jams, 
while
 the condition is not really good for the visitor.
However
,  we can use thick
hacker
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hackers
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from
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in
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 very extreme weather, and 
beside
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besides
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 that, to prevent
hyportemia
Correct your spelling
hypothermia
hyperemia
, we can cook warm
food
such
 as soup and noodles. We can see the stunning views from
Correct article usage
the antartics
show examples
antartics
Correct your spelling
antarctic
Antarctica
 at night, there are  and we can see Aurora at midnight.
In addition
,
effect
Correct article usage
the effect
show examples
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
 wether from
antartics
Correct your spelling
Antarctica
antarctic
 is not really good for our health, particularly our
lung
Fix the agreement mistake
lungs
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, which is caused by the extreme weather in
Antarctica
. Aside from that,
food
 ingredients are very difficult to find,
due to
 the small number of
food
 traders there,so we  just can eat
wich
Correct your spelling
which
show examples
 is what it is.the bad impact of
antartics
Correct your spelling
Antarctica
antarctic
 is not only that,and still a lot of we must anticipation, especially at night,due
tue
Correct your spelling
to
storm
Fix the agreement mistake
storms
show examples
 coming every night in
antartics
Correct your spelling
Antarctica
antarctic
,and we should prepare ourselves for the storm by sheltering indoors and providing
food
 to survive the storm. That is
Correct article usage
a drawbacks
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drawbacks
Fix the agreement mistake
drawback
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from
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of
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antartics
Correct your spelling
antarctic
Antarctica
 if tourists want to
visited
Change the verb
visit
show examples
. In conclusion, if the tourists want to go to
Antarctica
, they should prepare equipment, ingredients
food
, health, and mental for the extreme
wether
Correct your spelling
weather
show examples
 there.
Submitted by arniaqlina44 on

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task achievement
Expand on your main points with more specific details and examples. For instance, instead of just mentioning the benefits and drawbacks in general terms, provide concrete experiences or scenarios that tourists might face.
language accuracy
There are several instances of grammatical errors and typos, such as "hyportemia" instead of "hypothermia" and "antartics" instead of "Antarctica." Proofread your essay carefully or use spell check to catch these mistakes.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow between paragraphs and sentences. Use more cohesive devices like "moreover," "in contrast," or "furthermore" to connect your ideas smoothly.
task achievement
You addressed both the benefits and drawbacks of visiting extreme places, which shows a good understanding of the prompt.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes an introduction and conclusion, which creates a complete structure for the response.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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