IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think it is better for one single legal system throughout the world. Other say countries should have their own law. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #system #world #countries #law
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People
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 create law systems to protect individuals’
rights
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, but there is a conflict between
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people
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people's
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 views through having a comprehensive system for all citizens in the world or having particular laws for each country. I think it is better to establish rules which are universal and particular for
people
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 who live on the Earth. On
one
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 hand, some
people
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 believe that the best way to save the safety and human beings
rights
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 is by building a strong single legal system surrounding the world. To clarify, there are diverse classifications of crime in the world
such
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 as land occupation which plays a significant role in protecting other property. So to conflict between nations, governments build international relationships by providing
one
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 signal to keep all countries' lives calm and peaceful.
However
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, nations need to put their own rules for their individuals that
due to
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 keep citizens under control and protect their properties. To elaborate more, a country has diverse kinds of creatures who live in the same land , so the government should create more than
one
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 law to fit all age groups ,
situations
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and situations
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, and even save
animal's
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animals'
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rights
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 from human activities.
For example
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, Oman's principles illustrate rule that the children under 18 years old must not have a license
for driving
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to drive
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.
As a result
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, the rate of accidents decreased sharply to reach 12% in 2024
according to
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 Omani police report.
To sum up
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, in my own perspective, having
one
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 universal system will keep
people
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 living in peace and save their
rights
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as well as
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 having various laws in
one
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 country. I acknowledge that inside and outside co-operated build a safe environment.
Submitted by sheikha1996mohammed on

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task achievement
You clearly presented both sides of the argument and stated your opinion. However, your essay could benefit from more detailed explanations and stronger examples to support your points.
coherence cohesion
The overall structure of your essay is logical, but the transitions between ideas need to be smoother. Using cohesive devices and connectors more effectively will improve the flow of your arguments.
language accuracy
There are a few grammar and punctuation issues. Pay attention to article usage ('a comprehensive system' instead of 'comprehensive system') and conjunctions. Also, try to avoid repetitive phrases by diversifying your vocabulary.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion provide a clear framework for your essay, establishing the topic and summarizing your stance effectively.
task achievement
You included relevant examples like the Omani law on driver's licenses, which added value to your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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