IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In a number of counties, some people think it is necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between cities. Others believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#counties #people #sums #money #railway #lines #trains #cities #transport
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There are few countries that spend their budgets on building novel
railway
lines
 to enhance city
transportation
 speed. Some individuals argue these budgets must be directed to improve existing public transport. Others believe that the fund ought to be spent on existing railways. Both of these perspectives and my views are going to be discussed in
this
 essay. First and foremost, there is an ongoing argument about how a government should spend its budget in different public sectors. Constructing new
railway
lines
 is a great step forward for environmental conservation.
For instance
, an insight shows the proportion of air pollution generated by fossil fuels in Germany diminished by 5% by building 10 new
railway
lines
. Not only did the pollution rates decline but
also
 the utilization rates of public
transportation
also
 increased because of the new facilities which had been made so people don’t need to
use
 their own vehicle for relocating and
consequently
, vehicle emissions will be decreased and eventually, the environment will be protected.
On the other hand
, there are other people who believe that building new railways is disregarding people's rights who want to
use
 their own
transportation
 vehicles.
For example
, there are some business owners who need to attend an important meeting instantly,
therefore
, using public
transportation
 will hinder their speed so they prefer to
use
 car roads.
As a result
, focusing on highways
instead
 of providing new
railway
lines
 is regard to some people’s goodness who don’t want to
use
 subways and trains. In conclusion, in spite of
opponent's
Correct article usage
the opponent's
show examples
 views against providing new facilities, I am of the opinion that there are some advantages to operating new public
transportation
such
 as emitting air pollution to protect the environment .
Submitted by neginsepahvand on

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task response
To improve your essay, you might want to ensure that you fully address both perspectives more evenly and in greater detail. Delve into the arguments supporting the improvement of existing public transport to balance your discussion.
coherence cohesion
Work on linking your ideas more clearly. Using transitions and conjunctions effectively can enhance the flow of your essay, thereby improving coherence and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
You've presented a clear structure in your essay, with an introduction, main body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This helps in following your line of thought more easily.
task response
You have provided relevant examples, such as the case of Germany, which supports your arguments and makes your points more convincing.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • high-speed trains
  • travel time
  • business activities
  • tourism
  • cutting-edge technology
  • competitive
  • global scale
  • innovation
  • progress
  • alleviate traffic congestion
  • lower carbon emissions
  • sustainable mode of transportation
  • cost-effective
  • existing infrastructure
  • upgrades
  • positive impact
  • daily commutes
  • quality of life
  • environmental disruption
  • natural landscapes
  • urban skylines
What to do next:
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