IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

Some people advocate death penalty for those who committed violent crimes. Others say that capital punishment is unacceptable in contemporary society. Describe advantages and disadvantages of death penalty and give your opinion.

#people #advocate #death #penalty #crimes #punishment #society
Many people believe that capital
punishment
 is the only suitable response to violent
crimes
 in society.
While
 there are some negative aspects to
this
 kind of
punishment
, I agree with the view that without harsh responses to certain types of
crimes
, society would face uncontrolled violence. The death penalty can be
concidered
Correct your spelling
considered
 an unsuitable
punishment
due to
 several reasons. The strongest argument is that we are not allowed to take somebody's life, even if they committed a severe crime.
Moreover
, human justice is not flawless all the time. In some legal cases, there is
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
little chance of mistakes, leading to
execution
Add an article
the execution
show examples
 of an innocent person.
Therefore
, some people argue that governments should stop the death penalty.
However
, other people claim that the only equal sentence for some kinds of
crimes
 is
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
capital
punishment
.
For example
, in many countries,
legal
Add an article
the legal
show examples
 system issues the execution sentence for a person who
had
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
 killed another human being.
The capital
Correct article usage
Capital
show examples
punishment
 is not the best choice here but is the only way we have, as every human has
equal
Add an article
an equal
show examples
 right to live.
In addition
, enforcing easy penalties on intense
crimes
 would let criminals
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
commit those actions without
concidering
Correct your spelling
considering
 its consequences.
To sum up
,
while
 there are reasonable
disadvanteges
Correct your spelling
disadvantages
disadvantage
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the death
penalties
Fix the agreement mistake
penalty
show examples
, I insist that it is a vital part of the
punishments
Change the noun form
punishment
show examples
 laws and
effective
Correct article usage
an effective
show examples
 deterrent from major
crimes
.
Submitted by Sara.dehghanimoini on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Work on enhancing clarity and comprehensiveness in presenting ideas. For instance, provide more specific examples and ensure each point is elaborated thoroughly.
task achievement
Address possible counterarguments more explicitly and extend your discussion on the drawbacks of the death penalty for a balanced view.
coherence cohesion
Pay closer attention to the logical flow of the essay. Ensure that each paragraph supports your main thesis in a clear and structured way.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the logical connection between your points to make the argumentation more coherent. Using cohesive devices like connectors and transitions can improve readability.
task achievement
The introduction clearly presented the topic and your stance, which helps set the stage for the reader.
task achievement
The conclusion succinctly summarizes your argument, providing closure to your essay.
coherence cohesion
Main points are generally well-supported, and the contrast between the different viewpoints was clear.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Advocates
  • Capital punishment
  • Contemporary society
  • Violent crimes
  • Deterrence
  • Retribution
  • Cost-effectiveness
  • Imprisonment
  • Innocent
  • Unethical
  • Inhumane
  • Misuse
  • Legal systems
  • Heinous crimes
  • Closure
  • Moral concerns
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!