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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The line graph shows the number of participants by activities between 2000 and 2020.

The line graph shows the number of participants by activities between 2000 and 2020.
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The graph illustrates the figure of participants by activities in 20 years.
Overall
Linking Words
, they were provided
five
Change preposition
with five
show examples
 activities. In the latest
Use synonyms
year
Change noun form
year's
show examples
calculation
Add a comma
calculation,
show examples
 the highest percentage of people participated in film club
while
Linking Words
 the lowest percentage participated in amateur dramatics.
Firstly
Linking Words
, in the
year
Use synonyms
 2000 around 65% of people participated
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 film club, which is the highest percentage
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 that period. Next to
this
Linking Words
, it started to slightly
decreased
Wrong verb form
decrease
show examples
 within 10 years.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it dramatically increased until 2020
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 approximately 69%. There were around 35% of individuals practiced
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
martial
art
Fix the agreement mistake
arts
show examples
 at the beginning of 2000.
Further
Linking Words
, it met amateur dramatics in the
year
Use synonyms
 2015 and it started to increase slightly till
end
Add an article
the end
show examples
 of the period.
Secondly
Linking Words
, in the years from 2000 to
2010
Add a comma
2010,
show examples
 there were below 30% of participants participated in amateur dramatics and it rapidly decreased until 2020
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 around 8%. In the
year
Use synonyms
 2010 table tennis and musical performances remained the same with roughly 20%. People are equally interested in both activities.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words year with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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