Some pp believe that public building should be moved out ò the city to promote citizen's well being and better economic growing, while some argue that the planning will cause more harm than good. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
There was a plan that public
building
should Fix the agreement mistake
buildings
be moves
Change the verb form
be moved
to
out of Change preposition
apply
city
. It can lead to two main Add an article
the city
benefit
Change to a plural noun
benefits
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
provide
Wrong verb form
providing
citizen's
health and support Fix the agreement mistake
citizens'
more
for economic Correct quantifier usage
apply
growing
. Replace the word
growth
While
some argue that planning will cause more harm than good, i
stand in the opposite mind. From my point of view, that plan Change the capitalization
I
have
more advantages than Change the verb form
has
dis because
.
To see more props of moving Replace the word
disadvantages
building
of society, I will show you the harm of not moving public buildings to the suburbs. When a developed Fix the agreement mistake
buildings
city
will attempt a significant workforce. Leading to high use
population density pressure. Add a hyphen
high-use
Although
a city
contains high inhabitants, a limit
land area. Replace the word
limited
It
easy to make Add a verb
It is
It was
traffic
jams. And you know that transport is the lifeblood of the economy. According to
a
examination from JICA (Japan International Change the article
an
Cooporation
Agency), Manila's Correct your spelling
Cooperation
Corporation
traffic
jam
Fix the agreement mistake
jams
cost
57 million dollars per day and some 80 to 95 Wrong verb form
costs
percent
of air pollution in Metro Manila comes from Change the spelling
per cent
Add an article
the vehicle
a vehicle
vehicle
. Through Fix the agreement mistake
vehicles
that
we see the serious consequences of not developing urban areas in a sustainable manner.
I don't deny that Add a comma
that,
spread
a Wrong verb form
spreading
city
by moving public towers to the margin also
better in Add a missing verb
is also
reduce
Change the verb form
reducing
traffic
jam
. But that Fix the agreement mistake
jams
moved
does expand right? And it Replace the word
move
also
means the distance and time you spent
commuting from home to work office increases. It takes time to travel and doesn't save much material compared to being stuck in Wrong verb form
spend
traffic
in the inner city
. By the way, riding under the weather is something sixty - fourty
. Sixty is suddenly raining or hot temperature and Correct your spelling
forty
four
fourty
is Correct your spelling
forty
a
nice weather. So Remove the article
apply
that
if we put the office towers far from Correct word choice
apply
inner
Add an article
the inner
city
, it will be effected to productivity. And yes it comes to low economic development.
Every coin has two sides. There nothing comes without props or cons. But in this
plan
I choose Add a comma
plan,
sustainable
manner. I know economic Correct article usage
a sustainable
growing
is important to make our Replace the word
growth
life
better but Fix the agreement mistake
lives
environment
and our health Add an article
the environment
is
unlimited it Change the verb form
are
was
something money can not buy, and we Wrong verb form
is
easy to
forget to protect it. So Replace the word
easily
remember
maintain health Add the particle
remember to
while
making money, protect
the environment Correct word choice
and protect
while
developing the economy!Submitted by jakelong16091994 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence cohesion
Ensure to use grammatically correct sentences and standard punctuation to improve readability and clarity.
task achievement
Improve the introduction by clearly stating both sides of the argument before presenting your own opinion.
task achievement
Provide more relevant specific examples to support and strengthen your main points.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical structure of your essay, ensuring that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea, and transitions smoothly to the next.
coherence cohesion
Craft a stronger conclusion that summarizes the main points and provides a final thought or recommendation based on your argument.
task achievement
The essay addresses both sides of the argument and states a clear opinion.
coherence cohesion
There is an effort to support main points with examples and explanations, which is commendable.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.