Air tranport is increasingly used to transport fruits and vegetables to other countries where they cannot be grown or are out of season. Some people say this is good but other believe the use air transport for this purpose is not justified. Discuss both veiws and give your opinion.
Air-plane transport is widely used to deliver various kinds of fruits and vegetables from
spesific
regions to places that can not produce Correct your spelling
specific
it
. Several people argue that it is a good way but others believe that Correct pronoun usage
them
this
action is not justified. In this
essay, I will discuss both of these opinions and give my own perspective.
Export and import
Wrong verb form
importing
comodities
across the countries using Correct your spelling
commodities
the
plane transportation help people to fulfil their needs Correct article usage
apply
of
nutrients. ItChange preposition
for
Add the comma(s)
, therefore,
therefore
provides freshness of a product due to
reducing time
of transporting. It can be seen in Add an article
the time
Antartica
, where limited sources of food cause the government should order commodities from other nations. These kinds of food consist of high vitamins and fat to boost the stamina of local people facing cold weather. Correct your spelling
Antarctica
In addition
, to ensure the quality, the authorities use air-transport
to minimize a long period of travelling.
Correct your spelling
air transport
However
, there are some drawbacks of
Change preposition
to
this
habit. Firstly
, it will release more pollution into the atmosphere. As we know, the air plane
mode Correct your spelling
airplane
becomes
one of the most significant vehicles which produce CO2. Wrong verb form
has become
Thus
, it is
Verb problem
has
potential
to increase the level of climate change in the world as a whole. Correct article usage
the potential
Moreover
, sending the products through that way will rise
the prices. Correct your spelling
raise
As a result
, only wealthy inhabitants who
can afford to buy them. Correct pronoun usage
apply
From
my view, it will be better if Change preposition
In
traiders
choose ships or boats. It makes fruits or vegetables more affordable. Correct your spelling
traitors
Besides
that, sophisticated technology can be developed to maintain those stay fresh.
In conclusion, the increase
number of companies Replace the word
increased
delivers
their food by air transport will help others to gain valuable Wrong verb form
delivering
nutritions
. Even thoughFix the agreement mistake
nutrition
,
it will account for high produce of pollution and from my it will be useful if they travel by Remove the comma
apply
ships
.Fix the agreement mistake
ship
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coherence cohesion
Your introduction is clear and provides a good outline of the essay. However, ensure that your thesis statement is more precise.
coherence cohesion
To improve logical structure, use more linking words and transitional phrases to show the relationship between ideas.
coherence cohesion
While discussing both views, make sure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence to guide the reader.
task achievement
Further elaborate on your examples to strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
Ensure you address counterarguments more comprehensively to show a balanced discussion.
task achievement
Improve grammar and spelling by carefully proofreading your text. For example, correct 'spesific' to 'specific' and 'comodities' to 'commodities'.
task achievement
You have identified and clearly discussed both sides of the argument, which addresses the prompt well.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and provides your final opinion, which wraps up the essay nicely.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example