Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think that is fully justified while others think it is unfair.
It is obvious that
sports
professionals get a higher level of salaries than other experts who are working in the
different fields. Correct article usage
apply
While
some persuade that sports
professions are significantly paid more money differing
to other professions, I assert they Verb problem
compared
are deserved
it considering their deep and wide range of qualities and impact on Wrong verb form
deserve
nation
.
Add an article
the nation
Firstly
, Sports
professional trainers are required
a broad basic knowledge. They play a role in introducing diverse training programs and judging athletes' physical and psychological conditions to induce not only their best conditions but Change the verb form
have required
also
potential abilities in competitions. The aforementioned work demands sophisticated skills and data that had to be built up through various athletes' experience
. Fix the agreement mistake
experiences
For example
, Yeon A Kim was the
outstanding Korean skating athlete and is now working as a trainer to grow talents. Her skills and competitive abilities, which were improved through experience in rivals and competition, Correct article usage
an
attribute
to young talents to win their competition in the Olympics with Wrong verb form
attributed
a
consistent training.
Remove the article
apply
Furthermore
, exercising experts contribute their skills to our country. The governments of numerous countries invest their resources to hire the best trainer
to achieve the golden medals in Fix the agreement mistake
trainers
Olympics
since it Correct article usage
the Olympics
enable
Change the verb form
enables
nation
Correct article usage
the nation
get
fame and prestige through Fix the infinitive
to get
wining
. Other professionals Correct your spelling
winning
such
as lawyers and doctors are needed to learn sophisticated information about their domains. However
, their influences are limited within our nation so that their salaries are valued lower than sport
trainers who affect Change the noun form
sports
to
worldwide.
In conclusion, I believe that Change preposition
apply
sports
masters should a lot of
money more than other masters in distinct fields considering wider and deeper qualities and the level of contribution when it comes to enhancing nations' prestige.Change preposition
apply
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task achievement
The essay should provide more clarity and depth in its arguments to achieve a higher score. Enhanced explanation of points and inclusion of supporting details/examples is necessary.
coherence cohesion
Ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs and points to enhance overall coherence and cohesion. Work on more logical structuring of ideas and flow.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and provide a clear stance on the topic, which helps in framing the essay.
task achievement
The essay attempts to provide relevant specific examples, like the mention of Yeon A Kim, which adds value to the argument.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?