Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think that is fully justified while others think it is unfair.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

It is obvious that

sports

Use synonyms

professionals get a higher level of salaries than other experts who are working in

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

different fields.

While

Linking Words

some persuade that

sports

Use synonyms

professions are significantly paid more money

differing

Verb problem

compared

show examples

to other professions, I assert they

are deserved

Wrong verb form

deserve

show examples

it considering their deep and wide range of qualities and impact on

nation

Add an article

the nation

show examples

Firstly

Linking Words

Sports

Use synonyms

professional trainers

are required

Change the verb form

have required

show examples

a broad basic knowledge. They play a role in introducing diverse training programs and judging athletes' physical and psychological conditions to induce not only their best conditions but

also

Linking Words

potential abilities in competitions. The aforementioned work demands sophisticated skills and data that had to be built up through various athletes'

experience

Fix the agreement mistake

experiences

show examples

For example

Linking Words

, Yeon A Kim was

the

Correct article usage

show examples

outstanding Korean skating athlete and is now working as a trainer to grow talents. Her skills and competitive abilities, which were improved through experience in rivals and competition,

attribute

Wrong verb form

attributed

show examples

to young talents to win their competition in the Olympics with

Remove the article

apply

show examples

consistent training.

Furthermore

Linking Words

, exercising experts contribute their skills to our country. The governments of numerous countries invest their resources to hire the best

trainer

Fix the agreement mistake

trainers

show examples

to achieve the golden medals in

Olympics

Correct article usage

the Olympics

show examples

since it

enable

Change the verb form

enables

show examples

nation

Correct article usage

the nation

show examples

get

Fix the infinitive

to get

show examples

fame and prestige through

wining

Correct your spelling

winning

show examples

. Other professionals

such

Linking Words

as lawyers and doctors are needed to learn sophisticated information about their domains.

However

Linking Words

, their influences are limited within our nation so that their salaries are valued lower than

sport

Change the noun form

sports

show examples

trainers who affect

Change preposition

apply

show examples

worldwide. In conclusion, I believe that

sports

Use synonyms

masters should a lot

Change preposition

apply

show examples

money more than other masters in distinct fields considering wider and deeper qualities and the level of contribution when it comes to enhancing nations' prestige.

ekgus2309Tue Aug 27 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement

The essay should provide more clarity and depth in its arguments to achieve a higher score. Enhanced explanation of points and inclusion of supporting details/examples is necessary.

coherence cohesion

Ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs and points to enhance overall coherence and cohesion. Work on more logical structuring of ideas and flow.

coherence cohesion

The introduction and conclusion are present and provide a clear stance on the topic, which helps in framing the essay.

task achievement

The essay attempts to provide relevant specific examples, like the mention of Yeon A Kim, which adds value to the argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
18
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

275 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

Topic Vocabulary:

financial remuneration
exceptional
merit
talent
demand
entertainment value
career span
physical demands
justified
unfair
criticism
income inequality
societal priorities
sportsmanship

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

6.5
band
Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification.
There are differing views among university students regarding the importance of diversifying their studies or solely focusing on their main subjects. Some argue that exploring other disciplines can broaden knowledge and skills, while others believe that dedicating all their time and attention to their qualification is paramount. This essay will discuss both perspectives before concluding that I am in favor of the former.
7
band
Explain some of the ways in which humans are damaging the environment. What can governments do to address these problems? What can individual people do?
Nowadays, our ecosystem has been damaged owing to humans’ activities, therefore,people must think about the measures which can be taken to solve this issue. Hence, in this essay, I will discuss what the government and each individual can do to minimize the problem.
6
band
In some countries, it is illegal for employers to reject applying for a job because of his/her age. Discuss positive and negative. Give your opinion.
It is argued that, in some countries rejecting an applicant's resume by a company owner depending on his/her age is illegitimate. In my opinion, employers are not able to clarify an amateur's talents on their age without knowing their experience and knowledge.
6.5
band
Nowadays parent put too much pressure on their children to succeed. What is the reason for doing this? Is this a positive or negative development?
In this modern world, it is broadly believed that children should learn different skills to be successful. I as a parent deem it is a good practice.
6.5
band
The most important aim of science ought to be to improve people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Some have argued the most crucial aim of science is to improve the lives of ordinary people. In my opinion, though science might have grander aims at times, this simple goal is in fact its primary purpose.

Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think that is fully justified while others think it is unfair.

Your opinion

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification.

Explain some of the ways in which humans are damaging the environment. What can governments do to address these problems? What can individual people do?

In some countries, it is illegal for employers to reject applying for a job because of his/her age. Discuss positive and negative. Give your opinion.

Nowadays parent put too much pressure on their children to succeed. What is the reason for doing this? Is this a positive or negative development?

The most important aim of science ought to be to improve people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree?