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Writing Samples
Band 7

The role of education is to prepare children for the modern world. Schools should cut art and music out of the curriculum so that children can focus on useful subjects such as information technology. To what extent do you agree? Umar 2

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The main role of educating is to prepare students for the new environment. It is argued that schools need to remove art and music subjects from the curriculum in order for to children concentrate on helpful lessons
such
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 as information technology. I totally agree with
this
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 statement because innovative skills are more valuable in modern society and give a lot of opportunities in terms of wealth in their elderly ages. First of all, innovation in modern life has more value than any subject in the world , universities thoroughly teach the IT profession students and promote them with the possibilities they can offer thereby preparing intelligent graduates to become experts in their fields.
For instance
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, research has shown that more than half of students who prefer learning technologies get a job immediately after their graduation. It means that education focuses on the demands of the modern world , contributing more resources exactly to technological areas.
Moreover
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, it gives people more advantages and opportunities in terms of money and attracting investments.It is a required skill which gives creativity thereby making a creative advertisement in order to sell their goods.
For example
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,
according to
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 research by Stanford University, 57% of inhabitants are likely to become wealthier than others who choose
another subjects
Replace the adjective
another subject
other subjects
show examples
. In conclusion, I strongly support the suggestion that music and art should be cut from the school system and be changed by information technology which is more precious in current life and provides more possibilities for people for their own future careers.

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task achievement
Clarify the introduction by improving sentence structure and coherence. For example, 'The main role of education is to prepare students for the modern world.'
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph distinctly supports the central argument. A clearer transition to show the relationship between creativity and financial success would help.
task achievement
Include more diverse examples or data to strengthen the argument that focuses on IT as a more beneficial subject.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid redundancy in sentences and ensure precision in language for a smoother reading experience.
task achievement
The main argument is clear and the personal opinion is expressed confidently throughout the essay.
coherence and cohesion
The structure of paragraphs is generally logical and helps guide the reader through the argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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