IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. News editors decide what to broadcast on television and what to print in newspapers. What factors do you think influence these decisions? Do we become used to bad news? Would it be better if more good news was reported? Use your own ideas, knowledge and experience and support your arguments with examples and relevant evidence. You should write at least 250 words.

#minutes #news #editors #broadcast #television #print #newspapers #factors #influence #decisions #support #arguments #evidence
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Nowadays, everyone is aware that the information is controlled. Someone else decides which information should be told on
television
 or written in newspapers. Personally, I feel that
this
 simple choice
influence
Correct subject-verb agreement
influences
show examples
 our lives more than it should. Editors decide what to share
trough
Correct your spelling
through
show examples
television
 or papers in order to inform
people
 about the most important events. In fact, a huge number of things happen all over the world
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
 and it is clearly impossible to tell everything.
Moreover
,
news
 on
television
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 a space of roughly fifteen minutes per day, and they can not talk for more
that
Correct word choice
than
show examples
 that reserved time.
Similarly
, newspapers have an established number of pages for each volume, and
that is
 the available space.  The problem begins when most of the time bad
news
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 reported because
people
 may become used to that. On the one hand, for some strange
Fix the agreement mistake
reason
show examples
reasons
Add a comma
reasons,
show examples
people
 are interested
on
Change the preposition
in
show examples
 bad
news
.
This
 is clear by the fact that many
television
 programmes which talk about murders or
disappearences
Correct your spelling
disappearances
disappearance
 get a very high share.
On the other hand
,
people
 are not conscious that what we hear or read may influence our daily mood and our vision of reality.
This
 type of topic may lead to the spread of a sense of disillusionment and untrust among
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
.
This
 is the reason why good
news
as
Correct quantifier usage
such as
show examples
 art, music, scientific discoveries or books should be reported too. Despite the practical needs, I believe that media should reserve daily a little space to talk about good things.
This
 is fundamental to prevent
people
having
Change preposition
from having
show examples
 a bad vision of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
Submitted by ballotta.sofi on

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Task Achievement
The essay provides a thoughtful response to the task, but it could benefit from more well-developed examples and specifics to support the main points. Try to include more evidence or examples to strengthen your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Some paragraphs could be further organized for better logical flow. For instance, connect ideas with clear linking words and phrases to enhance cohesion and make transitions smoother.
Coherence and Cohesion
The conclusion summarizes the main point effectively, but ensuring that the introduction gives a clearer roadmap of the essay could improve overall coherence.
Task Achievement
The essay effectively addresses the prompt and provides a clear response to the questions asked.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are both present and relevant, which helps in framing the essay well.
Task Achievement
The essay touches upon important aspects such as the influence of media and the potential negative impact of focusing too much on bad news.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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