IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. * Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

#people #competition #work #school #life
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In today's society,
competition
 among
people
 is a more common activity. Some
people
 believe that
competition
 in the workplace, at college, and in daily life is a beneficial activity. Others think that
people
 should try to cooperate more rather than compete with each other. In
this
 essay, I will discuss both views to gain an appropriate understanding, and I will support my opinions with concrete examples. On the one hand, a healthy way of
competition
 improves
work
 speed. To illustrate, in cooperating companies, most
people
 are competing with their colleagues in their
work
.
Moreover
, it helps them to finish their
work
 on time.
For example
, there was a recent interview given by Usain Bolt, in which he said that he still has a competitive habit with his opponents.
Additionally
,
people
 can achieve their goals when they start to compete with others.
In other words
, when the
competition
 starts, they automatically increase their energy to succeed in a particular event.
Therefore
,
people
 need
competition
 in their lives to achieve their goals.
On the other hand
, when
people
 try to cooperate more, it leads to building good relationships among those around them. In brief, a good relationship needs cooperation and patience, and it
also
 helps to keep their minds happy and relieve stress.
Thus
, trying to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other, helps to keep their lives happy and peaceful. In conclusion,
while
 some
people
 think that trying to cooperate more with
people
 leads to building good relationships, the benefits of
competition
 at
work
,
such
 as improving
work
 speed and achieving goals, are
also
 significant.
Therefore
, I strongly believe that incorporating both
competition
 and cooperation is essential for achieving success and maintaining positive relationships.
Submitted by shruthiudhai7 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
While the essay contains generally clear and comprehensive ideas, some points could be developed further for a more robust discussion. For example, you could provide more specific examples or statistical data to support your points about how competition improves work speed and achieving goals.
coherence cohesion
The essay maintains a logical structure and includes both an introduction and conclusion. However, consider linking your paragraphs more cohesively by using transitional phrases, such as 'Furthermore', 'Additionally', 'On the contrary', etc.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction is clear and sets the stage for discussing both views effectively.
logical structure
You have provided valid points for both perspectives, which demonstrates a balanced approach to the discussion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • productivity
  • excel
  • outperform
  • advancements
  • academic standards
  • work ethic
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • harmonious
  • supportive
  • collaborative learning
  • social skills
  • communication skills
  • sense of community
  • collective goals
What to do next:
Look at other essays: