The table shows propotion of income adults and children spent on 4 common items in the UK in 1998.
The chart compares the amount of British people's income spent on 4 types of tools in 1998.
Overall
, adults
were spent on food
in the highest proportion. Children
were spending their income on music
.
The adults
especially men
spent on food
about 14% on and women
spent around 39 per cent
on food
. In total adults
were used 25% for food
. Children
boys
were spend
9% on Change the verb form
spent
food
and girls
spent 11 per cent
on nutrition. Generally, children
were spent 10%.Men's
category there 10% Correct article usage
The men's
expenditure
on electronic devices. Women
used to only 1% on electronic equipments
. In total, Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
adults
Change noun form
adults'
adult's
expenditure
is 5 per cent
. Boys
were spent on electronic devices about 18% and girls
were used to 5% on electronic equipment.In the category of music
Add a comma
music,
children
were used to 39 per cent
in
Change preposition
apply
overall
. Boys
expenditure
were
38% and Correct subject-verb agreement
was
girls
were used to 40% on music
. Adults
in general were
spent only 5% Unnecessary verb
apply
for
Change preposition
on
music
. Men
were used to 5% and women
's expenditure
were
5% respectively on Change the verb form
was
music
.Children
's overall
expenditure
was 12 per cent
on videos
. Boys
were used to 18% and girls
spent 19% on videos
. Adults
' total expenditure
was only 1 per cent
for videos
. Men
were used to 2% and women
were spending about 0,5% on videos
.Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall".
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Linking words: Add more linking words.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words adults, food, children, music, men, women, cent, boys, girls, expenditure, videos with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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