The table shows propotion of income adults and children spent on 4 common items in the UK in 1998.

The table shows propotion of income adults and children spent on 4 common items in the UK in 1998.
The chart compares the amount of British people's income spent on 4 types of tools in 1998.
Overall
,
adults
were spent on
food
in the highest proportion.
Children
were spending their income on
music
. The
adults
especially
men
spent on
food
about 14% on and
women
spent around 39 per
cent
on
food
. In total
adults
were used 25% for
food
.
Children
boys
were spend
Change the verb form
spent
show examples
9% on
food
and
girls
spent 11 per
cent
on nutrition. Generally,
children
were spent 10%.
Men's
Correct article usage
The men's
show examples
category there 10%
expenditure
on electronic devices.
Women
used to only 1% on electronic
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
. In total,
adults
Change noun form
adults'
adult's
show examples
expenditure
is 5 per
cent
.
Boys
were spent on electronic devices about 18% and
girls
were used to 5% on electronic equipment.In the category of
music
Add a comma
music,
show examples
children
were used to 39 per
cent
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
overall
.
Boys
expenditure
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
38% and
girls
were used to 40% on
music
.
Adults
in general
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
spent only 5%
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
music
.
Men
were used to 5% and
women
's
expenditure
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
5% respectively on
music
.
Children
's
overall
expenditure
was 12 per
cent
on
videos
.
Boys
were used to 18% and
girls
spent 19% on
videos
.
Adults
' total
expenditure
was only 1 per
cent
for
videos
.
Men
were used to 2% and
women
were spending about 0,5% on
videos
.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall".
Linking words: Add more linking words.
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words adults, food, children, music, men, women, cent, boys, girls, expenditure, videos with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.

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