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The table shows propotion of income adults and children spent on 4 common items in the UK in 1998.

The table shows propotion of income adults and children spent on 4 common items in the UK in 1998.
#propotion #income #adults #children #items #uk
The table shows the proportion of British
adults'
Correct your spelling
adults
show examples
 and
children
's budgets spent on 4 common goods in 1998.
While
adults
,
men
 and
women
 spend the most budgets on food,
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
children
,
boys
 and
girls
 spend the highest budgets on music.
Adults
,
men
 and
women
 spend less
money
 on videos but,
children
,
boys
 and
girls
 spend less
money
 on food.
Adults
,
men
 and
women
 spend their five per cent
money
 on music.
Children
,
boys
 and
girls
 spend
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
a small amount of
money
 on videos.
Adults
,
women
 and
men
 spend from one to ten per cent of their
money
 on electronic
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
.
Children
,
boys
 and
girls
 spend from five to twenty-three per cent of their
money
 on electronic
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Add more linking words.
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the sixth paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the seventh paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words adults, children, men, women, boys, girls, money with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the sixth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the seventh paragraph.
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