IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

The table shows propotion of income adults and children spent on 4 common items in the UK in 1998.

The table shows propotion of income adults and children spent on 4 common items in the UK in 1998.
#propotion #income #adults #children #items #uk
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The table shows the proportion of British
Use synonyms
adults'
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adults
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 and
children
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's budgets spent on 4 common goods in 1998.
While
Linking Words
adults
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,
men
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 and
women
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 spend the most budgets on food,
but
Correct word choice
apply
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children
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,
boys
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 and
girls
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 spend the highest budgets on music.
Adults
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,
men
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 and
women
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 spend less
money
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 on videos but,
children
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,
boys
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 and
girls
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 spend less
money
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 on food.
Adults
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,
men
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 and
women
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 spend their five per cent
money
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 on music.
Children
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,
boys
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 and
girls
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 spend
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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a small amount of
money
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 on videos.
Adults
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,
women
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 and
men
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 spend from one to ten per cent of their
money
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 on electronic
equipments
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equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
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.
Children
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,
boys
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 and
girls
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 spend from five to twenty-three per cent of their
money
Use synonyms
 on electronic
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Add more linking words.
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the sixth paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the seventh paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words adults, children, men, women, boys, girls, money with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the sixth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the seventh paragraph.
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